Horne & Corden
Despite being the most-watched debut show in the history of BBC Three, James Corden and Matthew Horne’s short-lived sketch series has gone down as one of the worst in television history. Critics called it ‘about as funny as credit default swaps’ and mused that “the joke inevitably comes down to the fact that James Corden is fat and is happy to show us his wobbly bits.” Cancelled after just one series, Corden has since branded his involvement in it as “a mistake.”
Good to see James Corden has gone on to bigger and better things! Proud to call him my fellow UK editor.
Shafted
Hosted by professional twat Robert Kilroy-Silk, Shafted’s central premise was a warped kind of game theory whereby contestants would stake money on questions and then essentially get fucked over by their supposed “teammates” (who could either “share or shaft” when it came to the the jackpot). Kilroy-Silk’s constant repetition of the shows tagline: ‘”Their fate will be in each other’s hands as they decide whether to share or to shaft” became so unintentionally hilarious that he became a running gag on the decidedly not crap Have I Got News For You.
It was shit and cancelled after only four episodes.
Triangle
Here are the first three sentences of Wikipedia in regards to this flop:
“Triangle was a BBC Television soap opera in the early 1980s, set aboard a North Sea ferry which sailed from Felixstowe to Gothenburg and Gothenburg to Amsterdam. A third imaginary leg existed between Amsterdam and Felixstowe to justify the programme title, but this was not operated by the ferry company”
I don’t know what is more ridiculous, the fact that they thought a show about a North Sea ferry would be entertaining or they invented an imaginary extra leg… THAT THEY NEVER USED! Have you seen the North Sea? It’s all pretty similar looking. They could of winged that one.
It has gone down as “some of the most mockable British television ever produced” with the scripts involving clichéd relationships and stilted dialogue. Shockingly, it ran for 3 series and 78 (!) episodes.
The Wright Way
Ben Elton, the man who brought you Blackadder and The Young Ones, brings you a comedy about… errr… health and safety? Wait, what?
Yeah, so it turns out the former 80’s leftwing firebrand decided to make the same joke your dad makes every weekend and go after those “ridiculous” rules and regulations we all have to obey. It was like a Daily Mail article made life. It looked 20 years out of date. One critic called it “the worst sitcom ever made.” I actually watched it and I’m still angry.
It lasted six episodes before the BBC mercifully took it out back and clubbed it to death.
You’re Back In The Room
The premise behind this gameshow was to hypnotise its contestants and then make them complete what should be fairly easy tasks. Sounds simple enough. But wait, there is less! The “hilarious” hypnotist would then cause the poor, stupid people to “apparently” act out and thus sabotage their attempts to win.
People either loved it (people who watch ITV) or hated it (people who can read and write).
It still hasn’t technically been cancelled. But it will be. I’ll make sure of it.
Naked Jungle
It’s like Crystal Maze. But everyone is naked. Including the presenter. Bloated hamster, Keith Chegwin.
This one-off (thank God) special broadcast on Channel 5 (naturally) caused controversy in 2000 as it used the set for children’s programme Jungle Run. Despite getting high ratings (because watching boobs is a national pastime), the national backlash was such that they even discussed the bastard thing in the House of Commons.
Off to YouTube you go, you dirty bastard.
This country….
Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show
Speaking of BBC Three comedy shows that make you question your humanity, “comedian” Simon Brodkin’s painfully unfunny yet predictably successful “Well Good Show’ is a multiple offender. Brodkin’s comedy character Lee Nelson clowns around the stage like a low-budget Ali G, all the while the live studio audience guffaws like coked-up hyenas. I hate this show.
Luckily, so did the critics who invariably described it as “less ‘well good’ and more a pile of irredeemable crap” and “Probably the worst show ever to be broadcast on BBC Three.” And that’s saying something.
Of course, he got a second series imaginatively called “Lee Nelson’s Well Funny People.” Because God hates me.
Dapper Laughs: On The Pull
The Vine star’s foray into more traditional broadcasting went downhill quickly and got worse from there. While his web series was able to find a niche audience, his attempt at a “lad’s dating show” on ITV in 2014 was deemed sexist and promoting violence against women. He even appeared on Newsnight (in a snazzy turtleneck no less) to defend his show as “just a bit of banter.” The show wasn’t renewed after its initial six-episode run and has been gently airbrushed from ITV history.
Moist.
Don’t Scare The Hare
Premiering before the sixth season of Doctor Who in 2011, contestant’s attempted to win a £15,000 prize by beating a series of physical challenges. While attempting not to scare a giant, robotic hare.
The public and the critics alike were more confused than compelled, with one concluding “Not since the days of Mr. Blobby and Ice Warriors have weekends been filled with such peculiar antics.” Seriously, go and watch it. It’s mental.
It was cancelled after just six episodes.
Eldorado
The gold standard (hehe) when it comes to terrible UK TV, Eldorado was the brainchild of legendary producer Verity Lambert and should have been a runaway success. Yet it was beset by problems from the off with many of the actors practically novices, and thus unable to remember any lines.
Furthermore, no subtitles were provided for foreign languages (an issue when the show was set in Spain) and the soaring production costs caused one of the producers (not Lambert) to have a nervous breakdown.
It ran for only one year, from 6 July 1992 to 9 July 1993.
Heil Honey I’m Home!
What.
The.
Fuck.
Described as “perhaps the world’s most tasteless situation comedy,” the 1990 ITV sitcom’s pretense was that Hitler and Eva Braun live next to a Jewish couple in 1950’s America and oh boy, isn’t that just fucking wacky and awkward.
Only one episode was ever broadcast.
Good.
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