Remember Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (8 Photos)

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Check out more deep thoughts and buy the hilarious book at

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  • Knoster

    say what?

  • Kontaktor

    so true, so true

  • jeff in Australia

    Handy with words ain’t he..

  • CunningLinguist

    ah good times. SNL rocks.

  • SreyaNotfilc

    Haven’t seen these in a while, but imediately thought about SNL.

    • SreyaNotfilc

      On another note. What about having some Lori Beth Denberg’s Vital Information quotes someday?

      • AmericaMissesYou

        Lather, Rinse, Maim.

        Yes, I would absolutely LOVE to see some Vital Information quotes! Please Chive? Pleeeeeaaaasssse?

  • Pundit

    Jack Handey was awesome!! R.I.P. Phil Hartman….

    • twolf1975

      You do realise that Phil Hartman had nothing to do with Deep Thoughts, right?

      • jason055

        “You do realise that Phil Hartman had nothing to do with Deep Thoughts, right?”

        He had nothing to do with the writing but he did the voice over for the introduction (“And now….Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey”) which is why people associate him with the spots.

        • twolf1975

          Ur right. My bad. It’s been forever since I saw thelittle affirmations that I had forgotten about Hartman doing the intro. Guess somewhere in there I was thinking ( I goffta effin quit that!) Al Fraknen did that… but that was another skit.

  • Anonymous

    IMO these fucking sucked

  • top dog

    I remember Jack Handey, funny as hell. Phil Hartman is still the man.

  • JK

    My favorite: If trees could scream would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? Yes, if they screamed all the time for no good reason.

  • bbamp

    This is pure, unadulterated American humor. Love it.

  • Rat

    ” If you drop your keys in a pool of hot Lava, dont reach in for them they are gone”

  • ken

    “Consider the Daffodil. And While you’re doing that I’ll be over here going through your stuff.”

    Jack Handy: Off. Funny.

  • stafferty

    If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting

  • aosux


  • RubberDogTurds

    remember? I never forgot! Although these weren’t his best.

    “Hey, free dummy!”

  • Vic Vaselino

    If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think likes dolphins most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone.

  • TayTay

    My favorite of all time was something like, “Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo flying by a beautiful painting in his feet. And also, you’re drunk.”

  • dogboy44

    It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

    • Charles111388

      That's the best one ever!

      They must not of had that one listed when this was ORIGINALLY posted on 4CHAN.

      Another lame repost from thechive

  • Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

    […] even funnier is that I’m OK with that.  A lot of this stuff can seem corny I know.  But at the end of the day that’s the […]

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