TheCHIVE will predict your future. (30 Photos Session Closed!)

Ok Chivers, you're bored at work so let's have some fun here. TheCHIVE is going to predict your future. All you have to do is send us a photo of yourself using our handy-dandy upload page or thechivesubmit [at] gmail [dot] com. Please be creative with your submissions if you want to make the homepage! Bob and I are standing by and will post your photos as soon as they come in. Get moving, Chivers! Do it for your county!

Chive On!

John n' Bob

UPDATE: Session Closed! Thanks to all the Chivers for participating in this little science experiment. Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel

  • first


  • equalizermax

    Please no duck face

    • HellHath NoFury

      WHY, 10, WHHHYYYY?!!!

      • Sebastian Schwaighofer

        i apologize.. that was some years ago.. i hate myself for that lol

        • HellHath NoFury

          It's okay, the rest of us do too. You are forgiven this one trespass.

          • Sebastian Schwaighofer

            even tho it is unforgivable 😉

  • fasterthanu

    I'll be the guy laughin in the corner playing with myself.

  • stafferty

    I submited and have a bottle of Maker's Mark bourbon and a plastic bottle of Majorska vodka. Which I drnink is up whatever my future is. (It will most likely be both)

    • Alex McGlone

      As a proud Kentuckian, I support the Maker's Mark.

    • stafferty

      It seems that I was too ugly for this post. On a birght side is I'm still in the running for "people of Wal Mart". Oh well… Big gulps

      • Beau

        It's not just you, man. Many of us got denied. Myself, HHNF, and Kjell included.

  • Beau


    • stafferty

      Gets married to HellHathNoFury, there are no survivors.

      • Beau

        LMAO! Oh man I wish. No, but seriously that's not going to happen.

      • Future

        More like stalks HHNF. She marries him b/c no one else wants her.

        • stafferty

          Was I at least right on the "no survivors" part?

        • HellHath NoFury

          Busy getting married to someone else, kthx.

          • Sakajawea

            You can't get married to loneliness, no matter how much time you spend with it.

            • HellHath NoFury

              You're going to eat your words in a few months.

              • SniggidySnap

                That's actually two things you should do less of, eat and talk.

                • HellHath NoFury

                  I do both at the same time.

            • Beau

              Sounds like you've tried before! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

              • Derp

                Sounds like they let you out of the mental clinic a bit early…

                • Beau

                  Yeah I did go a bit berserk on that. I suppose I should've said something like "Got some personal experience on that subject, I see"

                  Either way, hindsight 20/20. Also, they let me out at the same time they always let me out.

          • Beau

            Loneliness is not someone. Please re-read her post.

    • hMMMM

      Your name is Beau…

  • 123Roasthim

    I'm dreading what my future is. Hopefully it involves a tremendous amount of boobage!

  • freementia

    What is on Emily's shirt. It makes me want bacon. Hell, everything makes me want bacon.

    • Beau

      *shows you a picture of your grandfather's balls* Still want bacon?

      • HellHath NoFury

        Damn now that you mentioned his grandfather's balls…NO WAIT

    • Bob in accounting

      Damn now that you mentioned bacon, I want bacon

      • freementia

        Mmmm Bacon

  • man man

    I love these! This is going to be good.

  • Below Avg Joe.

    If she isn't a broad, then are you saying she has a penis?

    • Beau

      I see what you did there…

  • Beau

    #9 IS HILARIOUS ! Great job on whoever sent it in and great job on the caption.

    • Matt

      Thank you. It was the first time sending a pic. I'll try sending more next time then!

  • HellHath NoLife

    Nobody cares, you're not cool, and you're not a broad.

    • HellHath NoFury

      Thanks for bringing up something that no one was talking about!

      • Yawn

        He was following your lead.

    • Hobo

      I would crush HHNF 6 ways sideways given the chance… quit being a hater

  • saltygary

    Yea I made it, so psyched to get Bison raped!

    • freementia

      Hi, My name's Bison. You sure got a pretty mouth.

    • femtrooper

      Im excited for you!

  • dennis

    12 is priceless

  • saltygary

    liking #9 the best so far…

  • Umm.Yeah

    Checks Dictionary and sticks with Broad

    • not avg. joe

      Wants to know when that Dictionary was published.

    • HellHath NoFury

      broad=wide, vast.

      • oh shit

        HHNF = wide
        Vast = her Va jay jay

        • HellHath NoFury

          vagina jokes from people that don't know anything about it are lulz

          • ZoomZoomZoom

            Says the wildebeest, shoving her cob-webbed vagina into a statue's mouth. That's probably as close to "action" as you'll get, that is until Beau switches your diet pills with roofies.

            • HellHath NoFury

              you know, that actually wasn't that bad, so I'll laugh.

              • Beau

                Awww, that is so sweet; you guys should get along more often. It's a beautiful thing to see. Now go on and play, kids 😛

      • Beau

        Well, you did set yourself up for that one. HOWEVA, factually speaking, I would disagree completely that she meets those descriptive terms.

  • Sebastian Schwaighofer

    haha fuck yea #10.. i hate me for the duckface photos i used to shot in my earlier years ^^ i totally earned some hatings for them lol

    • stafferty

      Has sex with Snooki from Jersey Shore, becomes famous as the first know case of Sexually Transmited Leprosy. It is later named after him

    • kezon

      Dude I wish I would look like you… seriously.

      Be proud of what you have got

      • Sebastian Schwaighofer

        if u were really serious.. thanks alot man.. i rly appreciate that.. but dont ever wish to look like someone else.. as long as youre satisfied with yourself youre all good

        • kezon

          Yes I'm serious and I'm never going to be statisfied with myself but that's okay

          • Sebastian Schwaighofer

            thats sad to hear.. i dont know u and i dont know why you aint satisfied but the only advice that i can give you is that you shouldnt care too much about what other ppl say.. and make the best of yourself… chin up !

  • Kukko

    OMG I can't believe John compared me to one of the douches from Jersey Shore…I really need a new look now

    • #13

      Yeah that might not be a bad idea.

  • Trixie

    #14 LOL

  • Mama Scribe


  • NorthMiami Gary

    i just sent a picture of me with a rat tail when i was 9 , i hope i get in :/

  • fauxshow08

    10 is a tool

  • Matt

    Just submitted mine. lol i love these

  • Craven Morhead

    Anyone else submit a fellow co-worker/chiver?

  • Chandler

    Closer to 50 lbs but well played chive, well played.

  • rebecca

    lmao at 15

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