Why you should let me touch your butt: A presentation (9 Photos)

  • Bwmyers18

    I am SOOOOOO trying this.

    • UWYO

      just did with my girlfriend. (her hump in the pic of course) worked like a charm

      • RC Pro-AM

        it doesn't count if its your gf idiot-

  • yep


    • mike

      ya, but the chive gets the pass on a ton of dumb posts because many of their followers are cultish drones.

      • Dr. FAP

        Like yourself?

        • mike

          nice screen name.

          • Abel

            Coming from the most generic type of "screen name".

      • Blah blah blah

        I agree with this gentleman.

    • Southern Dude

      If one was cute enough and properly presented this to said female….

    • you all suck

      I really like the chive but it always has the most fucking retarded comments. How the fuck does this have +24 and other (actually funny comments) get downvoted. reddit, which supplies the majority of the chives material, is so much better.

      • str82lin

        reddit sucks. I'm sorry.

  • MattyDeuce

    Rufies? They should probably call them floories.

    • Ned_Plimpton

      Or rapies

      • The_Dood

        Pronounced Rape – Ease…

        • MylesofStyles

          To be sold in a kit along with my favorite body spray "Chloroform by Versace"?

        • hahaha

          I feel bad for laughing at this but couldn't help it…

    • smergaman

      what about groundies?

    • Matrix19

      "I'll be your Douuuuuuuuuuuug"

    • Biggus Diccus

      The drug is Rufinol

      -Buzz Killington

    • Jason

      Chip Chipperson?

    • Craig

      Doug actually said Groundies.

    • dominantone

      I can be your doug, I can be your doug!

  • junior

    beats the hell out of piss eggs…..

    • Gus


    • Biggus Diccus

      I prefer pisscakes

    • SquirePete

      I prefer piss eggs & ham. I love them, love them Junior I Am

  • The_Stif

    I just may use this.

  • Bwmyers18

    Crap. Never mind. I can't make cookies.

    • http://www.cupcakesbymartha.com MarthaJeane

      That's what the girl who's got you friend zoned is for. Gotta get some use good out of it.

  • kms

    Lmao this just made my day haha

  • Kyle


  • Jim

    #2 really?

  • Logic

    Except for picture #2. Looks like a butt to me.

  • SquirePete

    #2 I'd make a plate of cookies to massage that tush. I'd even throw in some tequila

    • that_ALBANIAN_guy

      Throw in some tequila? On her tush?

      Damn, bro. That's actually kinda genius. In order to stop alcohol waste, you'll have no other choice but to take one for the team…and lick the tequila up.

      I lika your style.

    • ROK247

      cookies are nice but you'll get better results with tequila

  • butcher

    #2 your argument is invalid.

  • stonewall_79

    This is a good point of view I'm gonna definitely use it.

  • Yessirr

    #7 is pretty funny

    • Patrick

      The y-axis should read: "My hap(penis) level"

    • LucretiusCarus

      I'm pretty sure this is more of a vector than a line graph.

  • tapsnapornap

    60% of the time, works every time 🙂

    • Zedhere

      It's smells like pure gasoline…

      • My name a Borat

        Stings the Nostrils…

    • hahaha

      the only funny comment out of the bunch-

  • BostonChiver.

    Flawless argument…but I am a little concerned that your hands are that soft. You must use a lot of lotion.

    • Zedhere

      I blame the chivettes.

      • BostonChiver.

        Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

    • Matrix19

      It puts the lotion on or else it gets the hose again…..

      • Markus

        "on the skin"…or else it doesn't rhyme

    • morebeer

      Could be a lady….

    • JHL1

      Not flawless… there are spelling errors.

  • the_real_Mike

    That was just dumb.

  • bz1

    Great post and ohhh so true with MANY Chivettes on here! We would love to rub your butts, Chivettes! 😉

  • ST33


  • patov40

    John, is this power point shown to all Chivettes who enter your offices? What's your success rate? Can I get the cookie recipe? Thanks in advance.

  • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

    It would take less time to get her drunk than it did to make this death by slideware.

  • hilljunkie

    Excellent presentation. A+

  • AndreChamer

    Yeah, this is okay…

    But I would prefer it if we could enjoy the gaps on a random hump day, while we watch the bra burn and also help with stopping your FLBP (Y)

  • mid13

    fine, but the cookies better be delish and no molestash.

    • Woah!

      Dude! Good get!

  • jean.

    welp, I'm sold.
    #6 #9

    • Wet_tosti

      Prepare your butt and i bring the cookies. (that just even sounds wrong)!

      • that_ALBANIAN_guy

        Or does it?

    • BostonChiver.

      I make some bomb brownies…and have a kitten. I win?

      • jean.

        If you spelled hash wrong, then yes, yes you do win.

        • tapsnapornap

          Spelling mistake or it was just implied. I'd ask if his driveway was ever paved with it first though before I ate any.

    • goatpunch

      If 6 was 9 the butt massage might seem anticlimactic

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