Gifs are like someone dangling a pocket watch in front of me

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  • HeartUnderTheRose

    Yay for BamBam in 2! I can't wait to see Jackass 3. I doubt the second one can be topped, but it should still have some awesome awesomeness in it! ^_^

    • the Real D. Nozzle

      bam bam? jesus. first comment I read today and it has "yay" and "bam bam" in it? gonna be a bad day.

      • HeartUnderTheRose

        So I gather you assholes would rather read some douche screaming. "First!" instead of an actual comment? So sorry to disappoint you all. And BamBam is one of his nicknames, douche bag. How the hell do you think he came to be known as "Bam" Margera in the first place? So go be a dick some place else. Kthnxbye.

        • HellHath NoFury

          Is it just me realizing that every time a female with brains gets picked on here, they always turn out to be far more intelligent than the person insulting them?

          • The Real D. Nozzle

            Wait, so claiming to know the origin of Bam Margera's nickname makes you intelligent? Fuck, I guess law school was a waste. I could have just read people magazine and become a fucking genius.

            • HeartUnderTheRose

              Actually, the fact that I'm not you makes me intelligent. I never said I was a genius for knowing his name. I'm assuming the D in your user name stands for douche, since that's exactly what you're acting like?

              • The Real D. Nozzle

                Good to know. Everyone in the world who is not me is intelligent. I like that. At least it puts you on par with idiots like Heidi Montag.

                And yes, I see your intelligence has solved the mystery of what the D stands for in D. Nozzle. It is indeed "douche." Way to take my self-mockery and attempt to make it an insult.

    • SweetAwesomeness

      i'll bam you in your # 2!!

      • HeartUnderTheRose

        What's wrong, tired of being on the receiving end?

        • SweetAwesomeness

          tired of seeing that same damn ugly picture….FYI your not cute….

          • HeartUnderTheRose

            You think that "insult" up all by yourself did ya? Good for you.

          • HellHath NoFury

            Please tell me you are either a fat, ugly woman or a fat, ugly guy.

          • BBB

            Sweet, you forgot to add, and reading your ridiculous, always negative comments.
            Wouldn't you just like to bitch slap that makeup off and maybe knock some sense into her head. She and hhnf make a good pair, good job they can't breed.

            • HeartUnderTheRose

              Excuse me? My comments don't get negative unless someone attacks me or someone/something I care about. Don't like it, tell people to stop being assholes. I love how it's perfectly alright for people to be rude for no reason, but if someone says something perfectly normal or stands up for someone else, they're the ones who are bitches. I have all the sense I need in my head, which is why I'm not a prick like you who attacks random people.

              • The Real D. Nozzle

                Stop saying stupid shit and you wont get attacked. It's easy. Try it. Might help to tone down the lipstick. I know, I know, being goth was cool in high school, but after that you just look like an idiot.

                • HeartUnderTheRose

                  Um, excuse me? Are you looking at pictures of prostitutes and thinking it's me? The only makeup I'm wearing in that picture is eyeliner and shadow, you dumbfuck. Before you accuse me of saying stupid shit, you might want to look at your own comments. I'd rather see "stupid" comments than assholes like you who get off on talking shit on others just because your daddy touched you as a child.

                  • The Real D. Nozzle

                    The "daddy touched me" was way below the belt. That hurts. Really hurts. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

                    you are really going to claim you don't have lipstick on in that photo? I call bullshit.

                    • HeartUnderTheRose

                      Well you'd know all about bullshit, don't you? But that's right, since I'm the one who's in the picture, I don't know what I'm talking about. And saying that that picture was even remotely goth? Do you not know what the fuck goth is? Clearly you don't if you think that was it. But I'm done wasting my time with a little piece of shit like you, because I know you're sitting there wanking on that little dick of yours every time I post something, just so you can think of a "witty" remark back.

            • MiPo_TheGoaT

              While they may not be able to breed with each other I doubt they would have a problem finding people to breed with…….It's small minded dips like you who are afraid of witty, smart women so all you do it pick on them to make yourself and your peers feel better about themselves….get a life

      • HellHath NoFury

        And yet you call her ugly. So are you desperate or just desperate for comebacks?

        • ih8dykes

          jesus take off your damn cape and quit always trying to come to her rescue.

          • Nameless

            Hmm. Been away for a while. I see there's still no shortage of internet emboldened mental midgets trying to pick fights with the ladies on here for various reasons that involve short comings or other things of the short variety. And Heart, I love the new pic, btw. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Keep on being you.

            • HeartUnderTheRose

              Aw, thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚ Wondered where you'd disappeared to. Nice to see you back.

              • aosux

                The problem with you dumb broads is that you always have to prove you're intelligent, and that we're not.


                • Nameless

                  Aaaand the problem with you was that yer mama didn't swallow when she should have.

                  But seriously: If your life is thrown into that much of a tailspin from women who are total strangers posting something random and unrelated to you in the vastness of the world wide web… You need help. Serious. Clinical. Help. Barring that, have a smoke, have a drink, get laid, rub one out, whatever it takes (or whatever you can manage)– just chill the fuck out, O.J.– no need to be a misogynistic jerkoff.

                  • The Real D. Nozzle

                    "Aaaand the problem with you was that yer mama didn't swallow when she should have. "

                    WTF? You do know how babies are made, right?

                    Almost as good as "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody."

                    • Nameless

                      LOL Well, you see… When two grownups really, really, really love each other, they sometimes engage in this thing called foreplay. And sometimes, there's these things they do envolving eachothers mouths and their genitals (I'll wait while you look that last word up since I know you're unfamiliar)…………. Sometimes it proceeds on to tab a (the penis) going into slot b (the vagina) and the eventual dropping of a little douche nozzle (such as yourself), but sometimes that foreplay thing and the mouth on genital thing feels so great that no douche nozzle is produced because the resultant orgasm (I'll wait for you to look that last word up too)……………. ends with you and roughly 180 million other sad little tadpoles with wasted potential just like you being on the sheets, in mama's hair or in her tummy. I hope that helps (since you wanted to know how babies are made), but I doubt you'll have to worry about the intricacies of all that since nobody will let you slip your angry, limp and itty bitty little tab a into their slot b.

                    • Nameless

                      And as for your "bleeding your own blood" thing you were complaining about, that's called menstruation (s'okay, go look it up too). Maybe if there's a woman out there you haven't alienated or disgusted yet, they can tell you all about that and a little thing called Tampax. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Should fix you right up.

                    • The Real D. Nozzle

                      really? was that supposed to make sense? if the joke was, "yer mama didn't swallow when she should have" it meant, "the result of your mom not swallowing the semen was it somehow miraculously finding its way into a vagina to create a baby." That is fucking retarded, no matter how poorly someone tries to explain it. Shit just doesn't happen enough for the insult to be effective.

                      Second, there was nothing, absolutely nothing about menstruation in there. That is a quote from a movie, and the point was, "both these insults/statements make no sense because the person who said it is a fucking retard."

                      Apparently you are too retarded to get that "nobody makes me bleed my own blood" is an nonsensical as Heart's attempt at an insult. But that's ok, anyone sticking up for heart gets a few handicap points added to their attempts.

                    • give it up already

                      i hate when guys take up for a women they dont know or never met in a sad attempt at them thinking it will improve their chances in getting laid by that girl…..come on fags chivalry is dead….quit thinking these girls feel like you are their knight in shining armor to protect them……..fucking pathetic……especially this HUTR….i mean could she be riding HHNF coattails any harder?….screename format is exactly the same as HHNF…

                    • HeartUnderTheRose

                      Wow, so any woman with a brain in her head is riding HHNF coattails according to you? Wow, you are dumb. It's called being friends, dipshit, something you clearly know nothing about. So before you try to assume you know anything about me, which you don't, pull that dildo out of your ass.

                    • get over yourself

                      if it was any woman with a brain, he clearly would not have accused you of it, you clearly are not worth anything more than a heartbeat, and a hole.

                    • HeartUnderTheRose

                      And FYI, my user name is from a song, asshole. It has nothing to do with her. I chose my name before she and I even knew each other! So once again, before you talk shit on anyone else, you need to look in the damn mirror.

                    • Nameless

                      … so says the guy whose penis has only been wet from his own lonely, sad, angry tears. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ *sniff* *sniff* hahahahahahahaha!!!

                    • Nameless

                      Um… If you have to explain your quips involving some movie quote in such painful detail, I have news for you: You are not witty and you are not funny. FYI. Although the fact that you have your panties in such a twist about it all IS funny. The madder you get, the more I chuckle. ๐Ÿ˜‰

                    • trollin

                      you are a total faggot by the way…..

                • trollin

                  I agree, these broads are freakin nuts……… stupid comments, and then even worse thinking that they are proving intelligence by commenting on a photo blog. heart wake the hell up, hhnf, chill the hell out………

              • Nameless

                Nice to see you too, Hot Stuff. ๐Ÿ˜€

                • hMMMM


  • Dexter

    one of the best gif sets in a long while.
    good job chive

  • ace

    I still cannot stop laughing at #1. Giant pimp slap FTW hahahaha

  • blake honda

    #11, one of the most epic fails i've ever seen. seriously

  • Beau

    #3 It's not very often in this world when you can use the term "Accidental Deepthroat". This was one of those times.

    • Randy

      She really took that like a pro, though.

      • dajesus

        Can't decide if it's awesome or terrifying that the microphone never came out.

    • HellHath NoFury

      Maybe where you hang out.

  • chrisdg74

    i bet #4 shit his pants.

    • SreyaNotfilc

      Thats why we celebrate Arbour Day in the US.

  • kater

    a great gif set. what with after the moronic soldiers & tears vid with myriad of redneck patriotic comments…

    • a patrotic one

      well seeing how i can relate to those soldiers since i also served… i believe that video showed a lot. and those "moronic soldiers" are the reason you can run your mouth like that

      • The Real D. Nozzle

        Can I just ask an intellectually honest question? how is it that the soldiers protect our freedom? when was the last time we were invaded? Peal Harbor? And that wasn't an invasion, it was an attempt to cripple our navy. Soldiers go abroad and try to create "freedom" for other nationals. If we are not invaded, I fail to see how our freedom is being protected. interests, maybe, but freedom?

        Yeah, I am grateful that some people go to kill foreigners overseas. But Really? Soldiers are not the reason I can run my mouth. the supreme Court, the constitution, these things protect me. Know your value, but over-inflate it and you start to look like a real douchebag.

        • Sauru

          you fucking idiot. without the soldiers we would have been invaded already. the reason we are not invaded is because our soldiers would kick some serious ass

          • AAWW Yeah

            I think The Nozzle's point is that our soldiers are not providing us freedom by going overseas and kicking ass. They are creating (or trying to create) freedom for others. And just because our soldiers would kick invaders' asses if they came to America does not mean our freedoms are protected by the soldiers going over there.

            That being said, I don't have anything against our soldiers. I may not agree with the wars or tactics being used, but that is in no way, shape, or form a knock on the soldiers themselves. It's more of a disagreement with the leadership than anything else. So I'm not going to blame the soldiers or defame the soldiers by saying "how are you keeping us safe and free?" It's their job to go do what their commanders and superior officers tell them. It's not their job to decide what is best for our freedom.

            So I say, Keep on doing what you're doin', guys. Stay alive and come home safe, whenever those in charge realize this is a horrible situation that we should have never been involved in to begin with.

            • Phideauxe

              I support our troops, but only the cool one's. I've met some soldiers that were complete f'ing assholes.

              P.S. he said the video was moronic, not the soldiers…….

          • The Real D. Nozzle

            I get it now. See, for the past ten years I wake up every morning, masturbate and rub semen on my front door to protect my house from aliens. (everyone knows aliens are afraid of semen). And guess what?! MY HOUSE IS YET TO BE DESTROYED BY ALIENS! GO ME!

            you fucking retard.

    • Jen

      these rednecks will put a boot in your ass. its the american way.

      • Stevo

        Those rednecks will put a dick in their sisters.

  • chrisdg74

    Every time I'm reminded of that movie(Coming to America), I still LOL @ the servant saying "The royal penis is clean sir" and the shit-eating grin on Eddie Murphy's face.

    • MiPo_TheGoaT

      Give a hand to my band…Sexual Chocolate…

      • chrisdg74

        You gotta stomp your foot and drop the mic when you say that.

      • HellHath NoFury

        Not Sexual Man Chocolate by Attack attack? best song evar

    • guest

      I know we never discussed this, but I always assumed you just banged your bathers. I know I do.

  • Bud Ugly

    Charles Bronson's a badass.

  • dtriz

    #11 could have only been funnier if the gun went off and it shot him.

  • man man

    wow, all time robberies gone wrong FTW

  • avoidz

    I feel better after my dose of gifs.

  • MiPo_TheGoaT

    I wonder how that roller coaster ride in #5 ended…..and that poor kid in 9 should give up….the dog clearly won

  • aosux

    That idiot went in to rob the store for 30 bucks and change but ended up losing a gun. Retard.

  • Blue Zoo

    last pic is an epic win!

  • Darksoul

    The guy at #4 MUST be a tree hugger now.

  • Caleigh

    I love Bam! So pumped for jackass 3!

  • Phideauxe

    Best GIFs in ages. #4 not as funny after that disaster in the desert near LA last weekend. No tree to protect those guys.

  • Blake

    dude, in number 8 when the guys sits down he is holding a pepsi can, but when he falls back it is a cup with beer in it

  • peter poop

    ballsack in yo face

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