Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • http://thechive.com/ BobbaFett

    #10

    "That's just like, your opinion, man."

    • RustyxTrombone

      Fucking Quintana can roll man

      • TLAALOOOCC

        yeah but he's a pervert dude

        • Lauren Gentile

          No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

          • mystery_guest

            "You got a date Wednesday, baby!"

          • http://thechive.com/ BobbaFett

            "Whats a pederast Walter?"

            • T-Moze

              Shut the F_ck up Donny! You're outta your league!

              • Harv

                "Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes click."

                • http://www.facebook.com/cody.carlson.79 Cody Carlson

                  Jesus..

  • CableGuy2011

    #2 Thug Life! She's the O.G.

    • SWAFF

      original grandma

      • Lauren Gentile

        Cheesy, yes, but that works so well. 🙂

    • JBinNC

      I was thinking that this should be captioned "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta"

  • chaz

    #4

    the lengths some people will go to cop a feel.. and now we play the waiting game 🙂

    • https://www.facebook.com/jwoy42 Jared Woytasczyk

      the waiting game sucks. let's play hungry hungry hippos!

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/HellHath-NoFury/100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        we could do both! *obese chick sits down*

  • Ben from Aus

    Paula is a CUNT. That is all.

    • Paula_

      Caring Unattached Nice Type?
      Can't Understand Normal Things?
      Can't Use Normal Text?

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – such a nice cunt

    • sigh

      …without a good reason.

    • NotPaula

      I know, rite! dunno why ur getting thumbed down, maybe people like being called cunts.

    • superpooper

      Why not? It's fun to say!

      • Ben from Aus

        If you don't like my comment call yourself a waaaaaabulance.

    • ** PAULA HATER **

      oh and #5 is paula.

    • mikey

      Pronounce it with a "K", then it's ok….and she/he/it really is one

  • Patrick

    #1 one cool kid with two cool cats

  • Surf and Snow

    #7 Only took Paula 45 minutes to schnarf down the whole thing.

    • calgary_chiver

      I hope Paula's not Canadian……we're doomed

      • Guest

        Now you're totally acknowledging her as a legend worthy of our time and internets

  • Codey

    #1 "I was an awesome child once"
    #15 the problem was there was no Jesus riding a raptor. that is why they lost

    • ROK247

      there is rumor of a dinosaurs vs. aliens movie in the works. also something about the dinosaurs being intelligent somehow. could be awesome. but most likely they will screw it up.

    • Josh

      There's a comic book coming out called Dinosaurs vs. Aliens, written by Grant Morrison. Once the book is done, its being optioned as a movie. Being directed by Barry Sonnenfeld.

  • El_Capitano_Boz

    #2 Ghetto Granny takes no prisoners!

    • Guest

      Except for a couple of sex slaves she keeps in her basement..
      .. things she can do to them when she removes her teeth !!

  • chaz

    #6

    it's a blast!!

    • Biggus Diccus

      Actually its a guy who lives next to a mosque.

  • Josh Gorter

    #2 anit nothing but a g-ma thing.

  • Surf and Snow

    #1 Little timmy lost a tooth… and the tooth fairy was never seen again.

  • LAZYN8R

    #17

    Most people underestimate the restaurants sneakiness…

    • topher

      This is why Australia is awesome. tips don't exist because our employers pay us a wage that we can actually live on. America the best country in the world my ass! have fun getting paid 8 bucks an hour

      • Redbirds

        Have fun living in a place where all your ancestors are shitty criminals, and new zealand is way better

        • topher

          better than being a sheep shagger

      • superpooper

        I agree. Waitstaff should be paid like any other job, and tips should be left to rare occasions.

      • Supercalifragilisti

        Funny, because you choose the jobs that you apply for. And I have known some servers that would bring home 1 to 2 hundred a night, which is a good wage working full time. Or you can choose a profession that pays $10+ an hour plus tips like a hair stylist. I think my point was your comment is retarded, yeah, that was it.

        • T-Moze

          Don't tip for haircuts, period.

      • Wilson

        Oh… I didn't know that in America we had a flat wage of 8 dollars per hour our whole lives. This expensive college seems pointless now.

        • topher

          Well around 35 percent of americans that go to college, actually graduate. So for all the ones that do drop out, that eight bucks an hour may seem a little tedious to pay off those now useless student loans.

      • Tempest

        Have fun paying significantly more for anything you get in a restaurant and, by all means, enjoy the horrible service. At least, when I lived in Seattle for a few years, where servers made normal wages and still expect tips, that was the case.

        • topher

          I'd rather it be worked into the price. And we don't pay more for food in australia. We are paid more hence we pay more for food. You are paid shit, hence you pay less for food and then have to pay the waiter/waitress for their shitty service.

          • Moe

            You're a retard. If you make more, but shit costs more, than shit is the same.

      • Libertariandude

        Cut the America-bashing, asshole. I was born in Ecuador, and yet I'm sick and tired of people around the world who, driven by envy and ignorance, badmouth the awesomest country in the world today. I'm serious.

        • topher

          I'm sure america is a great country, i would love to visit one day but i think you're economy is backwards. The corporations and businesses keep the profit and pay the worker hardly anything and expect them to work hard…WTF? In Australia, you are paid a fair wage and if you don't do a good job, you get the sack.

          • Tim

            Let me explain to you how this works: you see, the corporations finance Team America, and then Team America goes out… and the corporations sit there in their… in their corporation buildings, and… and, and see, they're all corporation-y… and they make money.

            • topher

              Fantastic reference. but that's not exactly where i was going

    • unreal_vector

      These percentages are based on a bill of about 27.65. That's 42% more than what's shown… that's more than any sales tax or the like, right? Sneaky… really sneaky.

      • Badman

        Very few businesses are actually out to flat out cheat and lie to and steal from you.
        The only person being "sneaky" here is the person who took the pic. They aren't showing the full bill, there was a second person on the original ticket (who paid their own meal with a separate card), or more likely they used a coupon/ or the establishment took something off.
        Whether or not you agree that you "should" tip/how much you should etc, IF you're going to assume you should tip a % of the services provided you "should"
        A) Tip off the full pre-discount amount (since that's the "amount of service" you received
        B) tip off services/ goods, you do NOT tip of tax, and no restaurant that adds or calculates gratuity would ever base a tip off of taxes, it's not only immoral but also illegal.
        You'd have to be a huge cynic to actually believe that not only is this restaurant intentionally lying to its customers about something as basic (and verifiable) as math, but that this individual happens to be the only person that ever noticed. If the math was this wrong (either intentionally or unintentionally) on dozens or hundreds of guests a day, it would be caught and changed very quickly.
        at one restaurant I worked at we would split up individual's tickets if they wanted separate tickets so it would show person A owes $10 and 1.80 in tip (only added automatically for large parties) so that person owes 11.80.
        At the bottom it would show the combined grand total for everyone, say $100 with $18.00 tip and people would actually complain they were being charged for their tip twice because it was "Listed twice", yet no one ever complained they were being charged twice for food, even though it followed the exact same formula. Your inability to comprehend very simple math does not mean someone is out to cheat you.

        • Liv

          TL:DR

    • Shorty

      Not sneakiness.. Geniusness.

    • medic728

      Sneaky my ass!!! This jackass isn't showing the itemized bill for the meal he had! If you use a coupon to get a meal free the computer suggests the tip that should be paid to the server for the original total of the bill!!! So the server took care of two people and served two meals and probably got run like a bitch by two people that knew they were getting a free meal!!! Now these people think that it's fair to tip the server based on the ammended total and the computer is reminding them not to be a Douche Bag and tip the server appropriately!!! Think about that next time you tip for shit and walk out to find a mysterious dent in your car in the parking lot!!!!

      • hossmank

        That's exactly what I was thinking, Medic. I'm sure a lot of people out there don't tip on the total before the discount or coupon is applied.

      • Brind Kim

        Long and the short of it, people suck. And they're stupid too…

      • Tek257

        I agree, if I get a discount I will tip at the original price or give the server the discount as a tip which ever is greater.

      • Eric

        Agreeing with medic728, but suggesting that instead this could also be a case where cash was applied to the total bill, and only $19.43 is being charged to the credit card. In such a case I can easily see the person only tipping based on their share of the check, thus stiffing the server.

    • Biggus Diccus

      I only tip on quality of service, not percentage of bill

      • Seriously?

        Quality of service is the ruler for tipping. I totally agree with you BD. If you serve like shit you get paid less. I fucking hate servers that treat customers like crap and then expect a big tip. That's just wrong. Bad service = bad tip.

      • Joe

        Exactly if your a shitty server, I don't pay you shit. Tough luck for you, do your job.

        • metalwest

          or you could just be generous and understanding.

          • Jules

            Generous and understanding to someone who sucks at their job, makes the meal unpleasant and then expects more than the standard tip %….yeah, OK 🙂

      • Completely Serious

        I'm a cheap bastard who only tips hot waitresses. They get whatever they rate on the 1-10 scale. I occassionlly give an extra buck or two if the girl is a thick/heavier girl but still looks good.

    • TISGREAT

      YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TIP 40-50%. Unless the service sucks.

      • Jak

        You are fucking crazy, man.

      • Jules

        I usually do at least 20% +some if the service is good.

        50% is just stupid…unless you always dine at cheap roach coaches. I would never drop 50% on a $300+ bill no matter how good the service is!

    • Chiefs420

      My math says $2.93. Just sayin…

      • cookzone

        You and the person who made the picture both FAIL. $19.41 * .15 = 2.8695 < $2.87 FML!

        • cookzone

          Double FML. $19.43 * .15 = 2.9145 > 2.91 He is right, but Chiefs420 is still wrong. But I FAIL as well, so xD.

          • Chiefs420

            Jesus dude. Move on.

    • Alikat

      hmmm considering that is the subtotl and not the total including tax the calculations could be correct. depends on what state you are in for the tax rate.

      • Scott

        You all Fail!!!! You tip on how hot the waitress is. As for Australia you have lie 4-5 cities and the rest is desert and swamp. I think I will live in the USA thanks…Gud day Mate

    • JelloSlim

      It's because it's the subtotal. Put the other part of the receipt in the picture.

    • crazydog

      On one hand, aussie women are frequently HOT. On the other, virtually every animal there is incredibly deadly and the weather sucks balls.

  • Buford_Justice

    #7 nobody tell patty!

  • DCBizzle

    #20 i lol'd

    • GK-4

      I see your McDonald's and eSurance commercials
      and raise you THIS annoying piece of insanity

    • Res

      HAahaha, this was a good one.

    • Skid

      877 cash nowwwwwwwww

      • DrROBOTO

        Im really happy for the esurance commercial and mcdonalds lady and imma let you finish but the head-on commercial was the most annoying commercial of all time

      • Sizzle

        That will be in my head all FUCKING day!

        Call JG WENTWORTH!

        • ydodonutshave2die

          lmao im ashamed i i kno like the whole song..

  • Dan

    #1 The first day that kid goes in there with a cold he's dinner.

  • The President

    #8 but… what? What?
    #9 I want those!

    • The_Dood

      Yeah it started getting epic here, culminating in #11 and #12. I would totally do 12 if I didn't have a sunroof.

      • The_Dood

        #10 and #11 *

  • Wade Wilson

    I do love the work of Grant Morrison, but I'm really not sure how I feel about #15 yet…

  • tits_mcgee_

    random comment is random.

  • Paula_

    Who's awesome? Paula is awesome.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – just awesome

    • ALT

      are you the one below aurora street in seattle?

    • LarsfromNorway

      Dear Paula, I hope you get molested by a 75 year old Swedish man wearing nothing but sunglasses

      • Paula_

        Why the sunglasses? Wouldn't a stick be much more convenient?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – wearing nothing but chanel #666

        • SWAFF

          can you prove your awesomeness??

          • Paula_

            For my résumé, please read all my posts.
            Or call the Chive US office and ask for Paula. They love it when people do that.

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – not below aurora street in seattle

  • Ashley

    #12 You cannot pass!

    • DirkyC

      Yay! Chive On you anonymous Calgary chiver you!

    • asdf

      more like zombie proof

    • Billy

      And close the damn gate when you leave, the dog keeps getting out!

    • TitoRigatoni

      *You SHALL NOT pass.

      • IMDB

        Actually he says both during that scene. You shall not pass is the last part but at the beginning he says you cannot pass.

  • damnn

    Daily Morning Awesomeness at 10:30PM, a great way to end the day.

  • Dingo8MyBaby

    Rarely do I actually "lol". But #5 has bested me in every way possible this morning.

    • Big McLarge Huge

      I concur

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    #22 guilty homer is guilty. what do you think dude? #10

    • DCBizzle

      Donny you are out of your element!

  • DanielB

    #3 Is… beautiful!

    • Biggus Diccus

      now cook this shit up and make it a greasy night

  • Trent

    #13 'Muahahahaha!!'

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