Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

  • hater.

    #5. I see what you did there.

  • Paula_

    Fourtyfourth? I'd like to be 44th. Just for once, in honour of the late Douglas Adams.

    – the one you love to hate

    • Alec_Is_Epic

      Poor delivery, good reference.

      • xXbeermonkeyXx

        even the reference is poor. the number you should be thinking is 42. 6 times 7, remember?
        major fail for Paula_ right here. Douglas Adams must be rolling on his grave

        • Paula_

          Noooo, not you too!! C'mon dear xXIgnorantMonkeyXx, it's OK that average Chivers still take my bait, but you!??
          I am disappoint.

          – shedding a tear for the first time in her life

          • xXbeermonkeyXx

            what? what happened? what did i do? whats going on? a troll? whats a troll? wrong info to get attention? no, that makes no sense..! or does it? i know, i'll spoil all its jokes for the sake of intelligence!

            PS: never EVER mess with my favorite things. HHGttG has a special place in my life, i wont let you ruin it!! *RAGEQUIT!*

            • Paula_

              Don’t panic!
              And don’t forget your suitcase on the way out!

              – and don’t >>SLAM<< ….the door again

              • The Hatter

                He needs a towel, not a suitcase

                And stop talking about stuff other people like. You'll ruin those things too

          • Alec_Is_Epic

            That's why I rated it 7/10… I knew it was 42, but I wasn't about to take the bait.

        • blues

          No – the question is what's 6 times 9 – that's why there's fundamentally wrong with the universe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrases_from_The_Hit

    • boner stabone

      Your trolling has grown weak.

  • noni

    ^ Go back to sleep!

  • cjwhookid

    #3 I think I'll be trying this inabout an hour or so

    • Deadpool

      Agreed, very mouthwatering

      • rRamo

        Fuckin' 'mericans!

    • Foley

      The eggs should be runny though, or at least one of the eggs.

    • Wade Wilson

      Seen this one done before, however, not by someone who's inept at the culinary arts. What an amatuer.

      • Feeder of Trolls

        I know right? Just a regular dude making something delicious. What a loser! Why in the world did he not make it perfect and pretty and just like Wade Wilson's bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches!?

        • Terry

          I don't get it….. It's a Breakfast Sandwich like any other…..

          Oh, wait I get… He burned the shit out of to the point it looks unappetizing…. is that why it's so special?

          • George

            No, you're forgetting that you get a little bit less toast, and it takes you 3-4 times as long to make it….

        • kim

          What a loser indeed. the whole point of going through the trouble of doing it this way is to make it look good, and he failed miserably.

        • http://twitter.com/dalton_matt @dalton_matt

          Deadpool makes bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches?!

    • Birdhaus32

      Eggies in a Basket yo. It does look a little burnt.

    • evan

      Gross!! Those eggs are not even over-easy.

  • G92

    #19 Genius!

    • añslkdjf

      a cookie within a cookie?

      • Jim Bones

        deliciously inceptive

      • Acacia Caitlyn Miller


    • b.o.l

      heard you like cookies dawg

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Forrest-Herron/1287270554 Forrest Herron

    #5 Brilliant

    • Grand Master B

      you're easy to impress.
      Look there's a match, and it makes fire!

    • KCJake

      Looks like Steve Jobs.

  • tommybhoy

    #11 But I am not the Messiah!

    • august west

      Either way, you should always look on the bright side of life.

    • JstevensF

      You are a very naughty boy.

    • Glenn_Coco

      You're all individuals.

    • TitoRigatoni

      Only the true Messiah would deny his divinity!

      He is! He is the Messiah!

  • Alec

    #15 challenge accepted

    • Firefighter23

      Vomit engaging!

    • NVV

      My heart races just looking at this picture. fun…

  • Paula_

    #1 will help in a zombie attack, but will only protect you from playful zombies.

    – the dark side of the Chive

    • From everyone

      You're in desperate need of a job, and some dick.

    • the rest

      Ha! She'll make light of that comment but cry about it for a bit first….and prolly cry some more later.

      When she dies her headstone will say;

      Got no dick, but lived a full life begging for attention on thechive all day.

      • Paula_

        Nah, more along the lines of:
        “Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and no place to go".

        – I don’t want to be buried. Why? I’m not dead yet!

        • cormer

          I aint buyin it, atheism for thumbs will put your prayers for dick in jeopardy

          • the chive

            Be nice, she's got absolutely nothing else going on.

          • Paula_

            For a moment there I read your name as coroner and feared you were coming for me… Phew!!

            – close call…

    • KyleRetrato

      It will protect you from 'Signs' aliens.

  • august west

    aww, fuck it. was going to post some dumb criticism but its after 4 and I'm tired and would just rather say the phrase 'fuck it.' looking forward to some chive binging later this afternoon. I love you guys.

    • WharfRat


      "My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine"

      You are bringing back memories… hazy, swirling. technicolor memories.

  • averagechiver

    Hi ,am the average chiver ,am a nerd and live in my parents basement ,i have never had sex and am sure am a homo.

    • Foley

      lol that was amazingly bad/awesome trolling.

    • Wade Wilson

      I'm a nerd, and live in my parents basement…while saving for school, so I probably have more money than you, which is @10k. So suck my dick asshole. If you were so cool you wouldn't be commenting ob this site, you'd be doing something fun like fucking your mother, which is what I spend most of my time doing. And she's really, really sure I'm not a homo.

      • JPC

        Holy crap, someone got a little too angry at a poorly done troll attempt.

        Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

        • Wade Wilson

          I'm not angry, you're just a touchy dick. I'll go to your house and fuck you for breakfast faggot

          • rRamo

            Nerdrage is my favorite rage.

          • JPC

            God, I love irony. He gets all defensive about how he's not gay, calls me a faggot, then tells me he'll come over and fuck me?

            Yep, he's definitely gotta be a closeted homo.

      • Wade Wilson

        and another thing, so what if I am a homo, your dad is a homo and nobody likes you and my moms basement is cool and leave me alone or Ill rape every one of you fuckin fag dicks, then Ill suck all of you to HELL

    • JstevensF

      Obvious troll is obvious.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kp219 kyle parker

      Most "am's" in a single sentence: achievement unlocked

  • DudeSweet


    Dammit I bet this guy's English. Why man? WHY?? Look at what you are doing to our country!?!

    • Paula_

      Don't panic; he looks British to me, not English.

      – the one you love to hate

      • DudeSweet

        Well that's ok then, I don't come from Britain, I come from England. Oh shit hang on….

        No hugs, just air kisses, they are safer and you can't steal my wallet.

        • Paula_

          You should worry though, I'm right cross the water from you.

          – hold on to your wallet when you exit the ferry

    • windowlicker

      Not a Brit. Just another fucking hipster. Kill it.

      • Tommy Pickett

        @ windowlicker: you sir deserve a beer for this comment.

  • Paula_

    #10 do you see now? Religion is not just all lies, fantasy, child abuse and crowd control. Any believer can walk on water with a little practice.

    – I have seen god, she was black!

    • xXbeermonkeyXx

      you wrote "belieber" wrong

      • HayzeOne

        ohhh controversial.

      • rRamo

        Lmfao, classic!

  • PokePoke

    #16 atleast go see the movie first

    • JPC

      Well, I'm sure it can't beat "Angry Teacher." Yeah, you probably shouldn't go see Hangover 2 first. It would just take away time you could spend watching Angry Teacher.

      Ok Chive, where's my check now that I have sold out too?

      • JPC

        Oh god damnit, Bad Teacher. Ok, I deserve whatever insults come my way with that one. Though I guess it is a small consolation that I can't remember the name of the horrible movie.

        • FVB

          If you knew the name of that movie you would deserve a kick to the face

    • Fredrick VonBone

      it's the same as the first, but if anyone is wondering…here it is (hangover II – flash) http://www.putlocker.com/file/0A1F548EA7007EB3#

    • Birdhaus32

      It was a carbon copy of the first but it was still funny. Isn't that the point?

      • thom

        I totally agree Birdhaus32. What were people expecting?

        • alleygaga

          it was funny but i didnt expect the SAME FUCKING order of events to happen. i wouldnt see that movie again for free. it blew donkey balls.

  • HectorGum

    #13 That made me LOL. Seriously, it's funny.

    • Nittany Lion

      Make it so, Number One

    • karma

      funny, but hideous ring….

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Shubert/100000681927439 Kyle Shubert

      HAHA, that's awesome.

  • http://thechive.com/ bkfrijoles

    #3 EPIC MEAL but #4 wow

  • Wade Wilson

    The Chive sucks more than my mom does ,oh and my dad is a Pedophile.

    • Not Wade

      The guy above you in the other wade post was 10x better at this, but good effort

    • the real wade

      yeah so what if my mom is a slut huh ,at-least she is not a crack whore like my gf.

    • rRamo

      Uhh.. If no one else wants to, I'll sign up for chive moderator. Stuff like this just ruins the site.

      • grimey

        Nice try Wade

  • reme

    #9 should have been saved for 'Merica post

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Morton/100000652435411 Jason Morton

      Don't worry, it will be there too.

  • idunno

    #20 Me wants.

    • FVB

      This attention whore is meh at best. Even star wars gear doesn't help this smogbeast

    • SheriffPablo

      Is it Too Geeky that i know this Character's Name?

      Admiral Daala Never looked so good!

      • windowlicker

        That's not Daala. It's Grand Muff Tarkin

      • Don113

        Admiral Daala? You mean, Tarkin was hitting that?

    • http://www.facebook.com/KevinIreland73 Kevin Ireland


    • Name
    • MikeK

      Darkside, here I come!!!

    • YupYupYup

      I can make her smile!!!

  • Chase

    Nancy: You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
    Brennan: Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "Lets get it on."
    Dale: That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!

    • Brennan


    • Birdhaus32

      You are fucking high!
      This house is a fucking prison!
      On Planet Bullshit!
      In the Galazy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

  • Darth Weiner

    Dear Chive please bring back Hover Hands. I know in the deepest part of my hear that somewhere right now there is a hand hovering somewhere. I might be one voice alone amongst millions Chive, but please consider the hand that must hover.

    • Randal Graves

      Are you serious? This will go down in the records as the dumbest fuckin post in history. Unless you're an 8yr old with down syndrome, then it's cute.

      • Rick Derris

        I banged your sister in my Trans-am last night bitch.

        • Olaf

          Did she like making fuck..da

    • Paula_

      Yeah, that and duckfeces. No, not a typo.

      – the one who loves feces

  • Darth Weiner


  • RustyxTrombone

    #20 ftw

    • grimey

      Fuckin Troll Wench

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    #4 nice legs, when do they open?
    #11 life of brian is an awesome film! always look on the bright side of life!

  • Dude

    #4 Sweet. Really sweet.

    • ROK247

      supersweet. although i did not notice it right away due to it being so awesome, but there is extensive photoshopping going on in the background of that image. i wonder what thats all about?

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