Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • Tyler G.

    #1 Congratulations! ๐Ÿ˜€ Chive on!

    • cjwhookid

      Challenge – Complete

    • Lisa

      I know this won't work…but hell…why not?

      "If possible I would like to meet John & Leo just to shake their hands & say thank you very much too."

      Of all the sites I visit, the chive really probably is the best. Thank you gentlemen. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • http://twitter.com/YWordArmy @YWordArmy

        I know this won't work…but hell…why not?

        "If possible, I would like to meet John Boehner, just to shake his hand & say you are a stupid dick."

        • tralfaz

          I know this won't work…but hell…why not?

          "If possible, I would like to meet Shay Maria, just to shake her hand & say thank you, and ask her to be Nanny to my 2 children, and let me fall asleep on her chest every night, face down."

          • CuriousGeorge

            I know this won't work… but hell… why not?

            "If possible, I would like to meet Justin Bieber, just to shake her hand and rip it off and shove it down her throat and hear her say thank you."

            • Robert Plant

              aaaaand here we are again with The Chiver's weird fixation with Justin Bieber(that and #5). bunch of faggots.

          • bunedoggle

            I regret that I have only one thumbs-up to give for that post.

        • hMMMM

          Please leave, and take your stupid politics with you. No guy named "Boner" is ever going to get elected. We aren't THAT stupid.

          • Truth

            Yes you are.

            • KDL:LSS

              agreed.

          • VanIsleChiver

            you we're not concerned about .. it's the other 299,999,999 americans

    • That Guy

      now ask him what he was thinking when he produced the Pacific? the windtalkers of mini series.

      • hMMMM

        Was that supposed to be the sequel to Band of Brothers??? B/c it SUCKED. I couldn't even watch the whole thing it was so slow…

        • That Guy

          not a sequel but it was supposed to be like it. which is ridiculous seeing how the stories are all made up.

          • top dog

            I can tell you've never served in the Military That Guy. The movie "Band of Brothers" is based on a real Army unit that faught in WWII. Goggle "Easy Company."

            • That Guy

              and i can tell you never went to school. fought is spelt fought.. not faught. and i know that Band of Brothers was based off of easy company. i read the book, i watch the series twice a year, every year.
              i was referring to the mini series the Pacific being a bunch of made up stories. i think it's ridiculous that it tried to be like the Band of Brothers but was a bunch of fictional characters. but thanks for playing.

              • Krusherx

                If you'd left out the grammar nazism, that would have a been a perfect retort but still…

                ZING!

  • Cyberfunker

    #6 The very early training of a future Ninja

    • sparky

      Must be early, we can see him.

      • Vift

        Young ninja's trainers are here !

      • hMMMM

        No, he's just not there yet. Invisibility is taught in year 5.

    • fil

      *Ninjas. this one needs more training

    • Dick LeGrande

      Not Ninja training…Jedi training.

  • Malkintosh22

    #18 Amen.

    • cha

      its my day job

    • HUNK

      Love Jim Gaffigan. Hot Pocket!

  • cjwhookid

    #13 "But you ain't got no legs Lieutenant Dan"

    • bigdeal

      awed voice: "magic legs"

  • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

    #20
    "Can i borrow some postassium?"
    "K"

    • snoobs89

      you sir, deserve some cake.

      • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

        aha i am not a sir, but a ma'am

        • some goth guy

          You still deserve some cake. With an internet inside.

        • snoobs89

          in that case, Get your ass in the kitchen and bake yourself a cake ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Anonymous

      I tried to think of new chemistry jokes, but they all Argon.

    • Science Cat

      You should put that on here: http://memegenerator.net/Science-Cat

    • http://www.facebook.com/evankristiansen Evan Kristiansen

      Why didn't the grizzly dissolve while fishing in the river? Because he's non-polar!

    • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

      lol nice

    • JAFitC

      "I heard we're running out of oxygen."
      "O?"

    • JAFitC

      "I didn't remember your voice as being so high-pitched. What happened?"
      "He, He, He!"

      • Ha.Ha.

        Leave. Now.

    • Master_Rahl

      Someone stole my gold, I yelled – A-U!

      • Cate

        I literally love all of these Chemistry jokes…I just laughed a lot more than I should have

    • Kris

      I'll buy you 100 cakes. I can afford that because I'm the chairman of my The Cobalt Co.

      • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

        deal ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Malkintosh22

    #22 He has chewed for TOO DAMN LONG!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=17815425 Adam Purcell

      Looks like the only thing stopping him from killing everyone is that cookie. Let him chew for as long as he likes.

    • shamshe

      om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

      • Jen

        can we replace that cookie with my vagina?

  • hater

    #19. goddam pennies…

    • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

      they don't make any cents

      • Dr_StrangePants

        you are on a ROLL today!

        • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

          ahahah thank youu!! I like puns ๐Ÿ˜›

    • BGP

      We got rid of 1c and 2c in Australia ages ago.

    • Shawn

      Denmark abandonned the whole concept of coins and just round everything… best system in my opinion!

      • NonBrit

        Doesn't Denmark use Euros? If I recall, Euro coins go up to 5 Euros.

        I find it ironic that they comment about how harmful zinc is, too. Isn't zinc used to galvanize most of the bare metals you would buy at a bike store? It should be in the alloy for the ball bearings in the bottom brackets, too. Seems hypocritical to me.

        • Dr_StrangePants

          i don't care about the eco-friendliness
          i just agree with the hippies for the sake of efficiency

    • Mokuseitora

      Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao don't use the 1/100 denomination either… this should be used every where! Except in math… we still need to carry the one somewhere.

      • Pwithc

        Yeah. Those are all model economies. We should do exactly what they do.

        • theRealRealist

          Your sarcasm is loud and clear!

    • FriscoEd

      What it cost to make a penny is really irrelevant. The coin will be in circulation for many years.

      • Kelly

        Besides, the "profit" from making hundred dollar bills makes up for it ๐Ÿ™‚

    • drew

      This picture confirmed that we were in fact playing Monopoly the right way for years. Threw away those crappy white bills ages ago…

  • Tim

    #4 Sweet! Micky D's finally came out with out with there new assload combo size

    • http://www.facebook.com/MisterMcGiggles Mark McGinnis

      McDonald's doesn't have pepsi.

      • bbqboobs

        Is there such a thing as too observant?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1203540143 Josh Haddix

      I thought this was Burger King?

    • moran

      It's in El Salvador in a place called Biggest, Chive On from El Salvador!!

    • MonkeyMadness

      *their

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000429672888 Jenny Lozano

    #9 always happens to me

    • http://www.facebook.com/james.a.augustin James A Augustin

      end up eating over half

      • Bus Driver

        you look like you ate a little over half there, buddy

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

      Same, then I try to challenge myself to eat it all and end up hating life for the rest of the night.

    • Dagoth Wit

      They're called leftovers.

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Whaaaaat, DMA already? I'm still in bed, naked.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one up 75 bucks

    • CAMO4eva

      paula – so good its as sin

      • CAMO4eva

        it's* for the grammar nazis out there

        • Bus Driver

          might as well fix the "as" to a "a" while you're at it

    • jpp407

      Preparing for your 'Sexy Chivers among us' entry.

      • jpp407

        Or not so sexy…

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        In fact I am!
        Good thing there's extra wide angle lenses.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

    • http://www.thechive.com DistractedIndividual

      Pics for proof!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I keep submitting them, but John keeps calling me filthy names and crying when I do. Only one has been DAR'ed so far: http://bit.ly/qQ35VW

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – at least it gets him out of his "I'm working on the Sexy Chivers gallery, do not disturb" trance.

    • shamshe

      do your walls a favor and cover up before they start to bleed from seeing your naked flesh.

  • Buford_Justice

    #21 then you try to eat it with your fingers and they get slightly sticky. I hate stickiness

  • LOLOLOL

    #14 WTF?!?!

    • CAMO4eva

      best lord helmut impression ever

      • nate

        dark helmet …

    • ROK247

      "I'M SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES!"

      • hitman219

        KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!!!

    • Drew

      Is that Rick Moranis? I was wondering where he went! "what's wrong Col. Sanders? CHICKEN!"

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589047656 Kyle White

      BEST. PARODY MOVIE. EVER.

  • Captnjack

    #12 Why? Because fuck you, nature. that's why!

    • kaner

      or because the river that pool is in is dirty as fuck

    • tobsen

      it's in Berlin… called Badeschiff… in the Background you see the MTV-Building

  • ROR

    #7 They arr rook the same.

    • Guest

      Good old Photoshop…

    • Jen

      i ruvvv chicken nuggets!

  • Spt

    #21 *pours them back into the box*

    • Gutterville

      happpens to me every fucking time, house full of kids

      • Jaives

        and after i've mixed in fruit and sugar. opens the fridge and goes "aw… fucker."

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1075598225 Jacob Marchlinski

    How will #19 work with tax always screwing up your rounding?

    • ryan

      round after tax there smart guy

      • Jacob

        Thereby screwing the government out of a few cents? I don't think so. What if you adjust your price after tax is added to bring the final total down to the nearest nickel? Tax is recalculated to be a percentage of whatever your new price is. Do that enough time and maybe you'll finally hit a rounded price, but that's a hell of a lot of work just forgo the use of pennies.

    • newscot

      Adjust the price so that when tax is added, the price will be to the nearest nickel.

      • Evil Dung Beetle

        Then some jerk comes along from a state without sales tax and demands the tax be removed

      • Jacob

        You'd have to do that for every combination of every product in your place of business. As I replied to Ryan, seems like a hell of a lot of work for nothing.

    • Aarcadian

      Seriously America, just include tax in the price.
      'How much is this widget, my good man?'
      'exactly what it says on the ticket, sir.'
      'How convenient! Just like the rest of the world!'

      • drew

        Quiet with your logic. Obviously the 7% markup will drive all customers to a competing store which is…oh wait, also 7% marked up. (Based on NY sales tax, anyway)

        • shaka

          New York Taxes suck! Wait, Obama will fix it for you…………..

        • ryan

          don't complain, LA is 10%

  • Easy E

    Ahh… love the chive, and now going to sleep x)

  • ryan

    #21 *pours beer into it*

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Btw you're slacking Bob (<3), only 22 photos?
    I don't want my DMA to end so soon. I've had relationships that lasted shorter.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one up 75 bucks

    • http://www.gfys.org/ paulaisahoe

      It should say – The one who will fuck for 75 bucks .

      • It's-a me, Mario

        expensive…so not really a bombshell to end on.

  • Alex

    I love the chive, i really do. but.. a good 2/3 of these were on reddit.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=545403343 Ryan White

      you've got to take the chive for what there are. I've come to accept it but I still come

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      And Reddit got them from …?

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – you DO know how the internet works, right?

      • http://www.gfys.org/ honest

        ur moms panties.

    • http://twitter.com/StrongAsMeat @StrongAsMeat

      Stop reading Reddit bitch! Chive on!

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/ADHDavenger13?feature=mhsn Firefighter23

      2/3 of your mom is on reddit! That's the 2/3 that isn't her head. And she's naked

    • BigHate

      I didn't know that because I don't go to reddit. You shouldn't either.

    • http://www.thechive.com DistractedIndividual

      Just goes to show that The Chive has what Reddit has and much more, thus making Reddit Reddiculous to go to.

      • Brobraham Lincoln

        The chive might steal what's on reddit, but i can assure you that reddit has much more. try this http://www.reddit.com/r/gonewild Even the idea for sexy chivers is a ripoff of reddit, and the chive has no boobies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1287270554 Forrest Herron

    #21, really is the worst feeling in the world

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      I've got to make one of these!
      "I accepted a free drink from Paula and just now I woke up with a sore ass".

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – the one you love to hate

    • BigHate

      Totally trumps the death of a loved one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/broadiefoot Eric Broadfoot

    #14 WHAT? You went over my helmet?!

    • NebraskaGuy

      No no … just a little to the side, it'll never happen again!

    • Kodos

      Yess… **THAT**.

    • Dick LeGrande

      I would say judging from the size of your helmet, that would be difficult.

    • the elusive

      nah, he got the up side, I got the down side… there's two sides to every schwartz

  • Piggy

    How much stuff do you pull from Reddit each day?

    • Candybabe_66

      I'm sorry, but not all of us have time to surf a fuck-ton of websites. Some of us limit ourselves to a few of our favorites. If you don't like seeing the same stuff on Reddit and theChive, then choose one and stop looking at both. Don't expect the websites to cater to your needs.

      I've noticed theChive pulls a lot off Very Demotivational to get their Motivational Monday's post. Am I complaining? No, I just skip over the ones I've already seen

      • lazy

        agreed. in any case, why go to all those other sites when theChive does all that for me, and on top of that finds the best of the lot?

    • guest

      There is no original content on the internet.
      Do you think reddit creates all original material?

    • ale

      I hate reddit winning all the time.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        You misspelled "whining"

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one up 75 bucks

    • Malkintosh22

      How much semen do you pull from your ass each day?

  • Terrance_

    #18…oh Jim Gaffigan, you are awesome.

    • Verbal_Kint

      hooooot pooooockets….

    • funkrushing

      bacon.

  • Verbal_Kint

    #2 the legend of sleepy hollow: the early years…

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