Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

  • PunchFace

    #19 That guy beats off to his own tattoo. Gross.

    • sarcasm

      I wonder if he finishes on her tits?

    • ikindalikeapples

      …so do i

      • PoonJammer

        Why would you beat off to that man's tattoo? It's probably the guy you're beating off to.

    • Steamboat Willie

      I'm so ronery, so ronery. So ronery and sadry arone.

    • boobman

      Don't hate, he will regret his choice once he's in prison.

    • Broseph Stalin

      I have the weirdest boner right now…….

      • http://www.facebook.com/michael.cerda1 Michael Cerda

        Is it curving the wrong way?

    • Alien28

      He'll obviously live in Mom's basement for the rest of his life, as he'll never have a girlfriend. One look at the tattoo and they'll be heading for the door.

  • Married Guy

    #14 I can't stop looking either. My wife doesn't like sex anymore. 😦

    • Beenthere

      Actually, she does…just not with you. Sorry.

      • b-ry

        yeah, that was funny…the first thousand times.

    • Tony

      I remember doing that on rollerblades in my younger days. Got some awesome road rash from it.

      • thom

        You know the hardest part about rollerblading?
        Telling your parents you are gay.

        • laxcat36

          Turnings tough, stopping is tough, but man you're right. The gay part is the hardest haha

    • http://thechive.com Mr_Zambu

      women… they get too complicated. Its best to take up a hobby till she gets over the "no-sex" phase.

    • gels

      thats imogen thomas

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=761074582 Jessica Condrey

        Guess what? Its time to get a new wife

        • http://www.facebook.com/JimCallahan13 Jim Callahan

          hahaha Jessica, that coming from a woman made my day

        • Smitty

          Yup, I agree. New wife time.

          OR, Is she Catholic? Take her to her priest. They're not allowed to do that. I'm not shitting you. It's a violation of the faith for her to withhold sex.

  • SparklingNipplesFTL

    First. And my name is still not as gay as twilight.

    • TheRealSnowman

      No, but you are.

    • YoMama!

      You are not 'first' and you are 'as gay as twilight'.

    • Chris

      Still not as gay as twilight….. Well….. OK you are.

      • Robert Plant

        chivers talking about Twilight. again. big surprise. bunch of faggots.

  • Mike Roller

    First insomnia

  • drewdeze

    on #8 i would do the 5th one back, she's hawt! and definitely #14 she's in the position i love the most!

    • PieceofMind

      1. Ah, but would she do you?
      2. You mean speeding away from you?
      hmmm… I think #21

    • PieceofMind

      1. Ah, but would she do you?
      2. You mean speeding away from you?
      I think #21 answers the former

      • PieceofMind

        Oh thanks Chive… Make my comment disappear for 5 minutes, so that I post it again. then bring it back when it's too late… Sorry all and all. May I ask for forgiveness with #20 ?

        • specv44

          No, you may not

  • waitwhat?

    #5 The fuck happened??

    • FloppyRocks

      Simultaneous sneezes.

    • DJo

      It's what was on TV when the bowling ball hit in #3.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Luispedrosato Luis Pedro Gonçalves

      Provably a bucket of water

      • The Todd

        Yeah, provably.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=587208531 Benton McGrath

      I came.

    • Rocks Off

      It's a joke game called Blow Polo. You get a large pan of water, put a cork in the middle and tell the two participants that the first person to blow the cork to the other person's side is the winner. The two participants will inevitably get their faces down close to the water to blow air on the cork and when they do get close the person who started the game slams their flat hand down in the water thus spraying everyone with water. It's a fun game to play with people who are totally unaware of what's about to happen to them.

      • Dick Rahmer

        thanks it worked great..got them bitches wet

  • hater

    #18. 😦

    • Red

      "Either get busy livin' or get busy dying."

    • https://www.facebook.com/marksantiagorea Mark Rea

      Im in denial I refuse to believe that is the ShawShank Tree

  • http://www.markmushakian.com Mark

    #11 Haha, but you exceed at making me laugh 🙂

    • http://www.facebook.com/Luispedrosato Luis Pedro Gonçalves

      I think its possibility shopped because of the pixels

      • Hich

        I've seen a few shops in my day.

    • the


      Something you're not very good at.

      • ____

        Spelling. Something you suck at.

  • Stanji

    #20 That is such a great idea!

    • M.Loaf

      …even without the waffles.

    • cincy o

      the breakfast of champions!!

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Apparently some crazy Canadians beat you to it…

    • betamaxbandit

      That reminds me of John Malkovich at the end of Red, after shooting the bad guy again to really make sure he's dead; "You guys want to get pancakes?"

  • FloppyRocks

    #9 Chuck Norris would approve

    • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

      I would kick anyone who would wear a sweater like that..

    • Dude

      Actually, Chuck wore Action Jeans.


      • DrROBOTO

        i need a pair of these BAD.Evertime I kick sum1 in the face my fuckin jeans rip…no but seriously does any1 else notice how ALL jeans not just skinnies are getting way to small in the crotch area?

    • Underhill

      Had a pair of these eons ago. Fit well and very comfortable. Also got a ''Nice ass'' for a
      female co-worker.

      • Underhill

        From darnit not for. SH33T

      • Underhill

        Ditto when they were called Chuck Norris Kickin' Jeans.

  • Catence

    Yes please. #20

    • workin_donkey

      So long as I can motorboat after the waffles are finished off. Nice profile pic…

  • Joel

    #18 I had the same reaction when I read that headline in the elevator.

  • 氣青強

    #16 I don't know, I thought it was a pretty awesome faceplant
    #22 Jack is none to impressed

    • SpellCheck

      Repeat after me, "Jack is none TOO impressed"


      • HHHHHHH


        • Parkatola

          Yeah, I can totally see how it's his fault that you screwed up.

      • 氣青強

        Oh no, it was on purpose. The missing ass "o" was added with your comment. After all, you are the mighty Spell Check.

    • jayhawker38

      Either way, #22 is hilarious. Just look at his face; he's insulted.

      • ChairmanMeowz

        why so serious?

  • Bizarrobear

    #1 – I hope his shirt was…breathable.

    • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

      Well the kids still standing isnt he? If the shirt doesnt kill him im sure the burgers will eventually 😦

    • Kaiwatha

      When i saw this picture, it made me think of voldemort on quirrell's head…

      • tralfaz


  • Spt

    #4 Z-cup?

    • RGH

      I hate to say it, but there is a too big. If she can crush me with a boob, it is just too big. Yet, it wo

    • BadHillbili

      No, ZZ-Top.

      • lol

        I lol'd at that one !!

    • Djack80

      Didn't they use this in the Woody Allen movie…Everything you need to know about sex?

    • boobman

      Paula's Bra…

    • SWAFF

      there is a your mamma is so fat joke in that one

    • http://twitter.com/ABQLifer @ABQLifer

      September Carrino must be coming to town

  • sarcasm

    #2 Dear New Fiance,
    Me and my 7 psycho sorority sisters will cut your dick off if you ever try to leave me. Thats is all. xoxoxo ❤
    Your Sweet Princess

    • http://www.facebook.com/Luispedrosato Luis Pedro Gonçalves

      Not awesome

    • lame

      You're not gonna use it anymore anyways.

      • Parkatola

        Well, he'll use it for about a year. But after that, it's pretty much over. It's the whole jar of pennies thing. (At least I'm not bitter.)

    • http://TheChive.com Drewcifer

      Final boss of the internet, your new wife, and her body guard bitches… Win and receive porn… lose…manhood…

  • brad

    #4 Burn it.

  • Dude

    #22 that his bodyguards? Looks like he picked those guys up at the nearest homeless shelter

    • Dude

      + I'm pretty sure the right guy has a diaper on his head

    • JR-

      The guy on the left looks like the singer from radiohead…

  • Folle Rousse


    • SanDiego

      if only hot girls were down for ideas like these

      • Folle Rousse

        We are 🙂

        • hMMMM

          Pics with liquor and waffles or GTFO

          • FolleRousse

            waffles and wine challenge accepted

            • Kid Cutrer

              is that your proof? I can't really make out what it is…we're going to need additional shots from different angles. K thanks.

              • FolleRousse

                Had some but my computer crashed, 😥 only other copies got sent to the chive. Have to ask them to post"

  • KyleGamgee

    #14 Mind the Gap indeed.
    #17 What does one do with a fish that size? Eat it? Release it?

    • KFC

      #17 keep it in a swimming pool and feed it small dogs then laugh like Dr. Evil.

    • CuriousGeorge

      Fuck it. (Applies to both)

    • FolleRousse

      Ride it

  • Sammy

    #22 I hope this isn't shopped because this is too funny!

    • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

      Heath Ledger did SUCH a great job but im sure Jack knows hes a classic legend.

      • Wade Wilson

        They're really two different interpretations of the character; Jack's was the more cartoonish, while Ledger's was the classic madman from the comics- only funny to himself, extremely psychotic and nearly impossible to stop once he sets his mind to somthing…
        Azzarello & Bemejo did an unoffical sequel to the Dark Knight, where Joker gets out of prison, and it was actually the inspiration for the 'scarsmile' look he had in the film, as the graphic novel came out a few years before TDK.

        • youknow

          I'd also say that Jack in The Shining was somewhat inspirational to Ledger's Joker.

          just saying there's something there, right?

          • youknow

            that's four links btw, idk why they posted like crap

    • http://theberry.com/ walkingtheriver

      It IS shopped. Now, the picture the guy wanted signed was actually of Jack as the Joker, however the real picture is taken just after Heath died, and that is why he is not happy. http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/8334/galleryma

  • http://thechive.com/ bkfrijoles

    #11 good enough

  • Nanook

    #1 BWAHAHAHAHA! Mobile Dutch Oven

  • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

    #4 they'll need a big kitchen for that woman

    • seriously

      SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

      • https://twitter.com/NavjeetBajwa n_kb

        Im a girl, by the way…GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.

        • JohnAtell

          Really, just sign your comments with that at the end.

          – I'm a girl, by the way. . .

      • LaLakers2408

        seriously, u shut the fuck up….

    • Hand of Fate

      It could be an epic FLBP next week…

  • troutisafish

    #22 Jack is gonna rip somebody's ass open.

    • http://thechive.com Mr_Zambu


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