Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Good morning dear asshats,
    What am I? It starts with an 'F'. So, what am I?
    F…

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – a hug is a hug, of course, of course
    – and no one can hug a troll of course
    – that is, of course, unless the troll is the famous Miss Paula

    • Rocks Off

      It's starts with an "F"…hmmm….fucker, fairy, fartsucker, faggot, fool, fapper, filcher? Any of those work?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Awwww, you could have said 'female'… I would have melted…

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • gtfo

          Go suck a seagull again LG,

        • Bill57

          irellevent comes to mind

        • nope

          Fat

      • Dead embryonic Cells

        stop feeding the troll

    • sakmaidik

      Fabulous?

    • Dapper_Dave

      Nice spin on the Mister Ed theme song.

    • http://twitter.com/ABQLifer @ABQLifer

      Fucking Annoying. That's what.

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    AAAAAAAANDD SECOND! A minute later!!
    Now to wait for a third post…

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
    — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • we know

      STFU Lauren.

      • http://gravatar.com/lagentile LG_

        He/She's not me. Get over it already.

        • Guesty

          Everyone just figures that between you and Paula fighting for some irrelevant attention as much as you do, that it couldn't possibly be 2 people. 2 people who are so shallow, well, that is just scary.

          • http://twitter.com/sterlingsylvir @sterlingsylvir

            "Guesty" has issues because he wakes up regularly to his mother standing over his bed, clutching a pillow and crying, "It would be so easy… so easy."

            • duh

              go troll somewhere else.

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Welcome back dear! ❤
          Noticed the number of hits on your twitpic below?

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
          — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          BTW love the format of your new name, but now those dumbasses will think even more that we're one and the same.
          Of course I'd love to be one with you, or stuff you and put you next to the fireplace… ❤

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
          — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • Boss

          Aaaah welcome back skank ,we missed your ass ,now think twice before fornicating with sea creatures. Whore on !

          • Guesty

            I think I love you Boss.
            We should be lovers.

        • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

          feeling better?

          • http://gravatar.com/lagentile LG_

            I'm feeling much better – thank you for asking!

            • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

              awesome. glad to hear it. now one day you'll be that mom that yells "dont pick those up they carry diseases" and your kids (like i did) will look at you like "whatever mom you're fuckin crazy"

              • http://gravatar.com/lagentile LG_

                EXACTLY! You're dead on Randy.

                Hate to say it, because I always thought my mom was just spewing out old wives tales, but it's a 'nag' that actually has validity to it. Glad you learned from my mistake too. 🙂

                • johngivhermyip

                  Randy wants to ram you in the butt thats why he is sucking up to you.

                  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                    Do you know (in fact I'm sure you do, will explain) those situations where everybody is having a good time (party, bar, whatever) and suddenly some idiot screams out something totaly inappropriate, unrelated or dumb…? You're that guy.

                    Your IP is 216.218.248.135 btw.

                    Hugs,
                    Paula
                    "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
                    — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

                    • http://twitter.com/sterlingsylvir @sterlingsylvir

                      I like to call those people the "Kramers" of our planet. If they aren't being paid enough attention they shout things, normally hurtful, inappropriate, or just downright stupid, so that they will be the center of attention again.

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      [suspicious look on]
                      We ARE still talking about 'johngivhermyip', right?
                      [suspicious look stays on for a little while]

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
                      — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

                    • http://twitter.com/sterlingsylvir @sterlingsylvir

                      Of course… Umm, awkward.

                      Change of subject. That IP is out of Mountain View, California.

                      So definite possibility of it being a hipster with insecurity issues.

              • itsmeagain

                Yes now she can tell her kids about the dangers of bestiality.

                • http://twitter.com/sterlingsylvir @sterlingsylvir

                  I used to think Eugenics was a horrible chapter in human history, now I write my congressman daily about it, and normally include snippets of people's comments like yours.

        • Peter Parker

          they prefer to be called hermaphrodites-

    • anon

      I know this is difficult. But perhaps we if we just scroll past it, it will stop. Resist the urge to thumb it down. Just ignore it.

      • Bill57

        ignore her completely and she will disappear

        • Pixel Counter

          you guys love her, just admit it

    • Bmoney

      You are a Cunt

    • panama99

      Always fun watching you torment your minions.

      LOL

  • OneClownShoe

    #8 It would be fun to watch this crash.

    • Terrance_

      Considering a crash would most likely result in death…I question your sanity.

      • OneClownShoe

        My sanity? I'm not the guy riding inches above a propeller.

        • Terrance_

          Touché.

      • A Yank in Britain

        At least he won't have to live with the shame of failure…

    • http://twitter.com/ABQLifer @ABQLifer

      This is where the idea for the food processor came from–he lost his balance and tried to step off.

  • Chubby

    I hate you, Paula.
    Really.

    • Bill57

      that's what she wants, attention is everything to a worthless troll

    • Dead embryonic Cells

      stop feeding the troll

    • Lisa

      I don't hate her. I don't like her either. I don't care either way & don't read her posts at all. Mostly she's pathetic and really just needs a man to fuck her every once in a while. {shrug} 🙂

      • Lisa is Fat

        Why don't you tell your man to fuck her, Because no way he's fucking your FAT ASS. BITCH.

        • Lisa

          I'm 5'10" tall and weigh 143 pounds. (Exercising since the last time I posted my weight, for those who give a rats ass.) If that's fat to you, oh well. I'm strong, healthy & happy. 🙂 As for my man & Paula, she would end up walking funny for the rest of her life…of course he does have enough blood to run both heads at the same time. He'd step aside so you can get your gig on there "Lisa is fat" fake namer. 😉 Enjoy that. Bring your penicillin.

          Chiving on to todays DAR.

  • Neil

    #19 Fairview Wine Estate outside Franschoek, South Africa

    • http://twitter.com/psypher246 @psypher246

      Goats do roam 😀

  • Rocks Off

    #9 Funny…18 years ago.

    • Terrance_

      Funny today, end of story.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001019719478 Drew Bolden

      i just watched that on AMC…

  • LouLou

    what's number 16? a chicken-pancake?

    • Malkintosh22

      Try using #.

    • NateyTheGreaty

      It's the shape of Meatwad, a character from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

      • db420

        that's good pancake knowledge.

      • pcleduc

        And there I thought It was meant to symbolize Hurricane Irene…(wrong direction though….)

        • Bill57

          flip it over it is

  • Malkintosh22

    #10 That old man just got coned by a seagull.

    • Tim

      I spent a weekend fly fishing in the mountains, having Loons follow me around the whole day stealing the fish right off the line.

      You could even fake them out and just wiggle your rod and yell "Got One!", and the loons would dive to come get it.

  • Steven

    #13 Natural selection hard at work…

    • Stay Happy

      and the dude has a purse on. There's your problem.

      • panama99

        Wouldn't that be more of a man'bag…..

        Popular in Europe and the east and west coast areas?

        • Stay Happy

          no matter what you call it, it will not hold a man card.

        • thom

          Plus the guy is wearing capris. Those are girl's pants. Capris and a purse, he deserves the self-inflicted hammer to the face.

        • Douche...

          Your a sperm'bag…

  • Anonymous

    Enough with this eBay shit. Please launch your own app or take this shit down.

  • Terrance_

    #20…a giant sperm shaped sink, how wonderful!

    • Lulatsch

      Fuc*ing WANT!

      Sinks need their own Gallery!

    • Wisti

      I hate you…I thought that was the coolest sink and actually really wanted one before you said anything! 😥

  • db420

    #20- Dude, really? I'm just trying to wash my hands after I urinate… Stop it. Thanks.

    • db420

      #9 and #6= the reason I Chive daily.

    • panama99

      Man, I thought it was a cool looking sink before….but now you have me looking at a sperm outline.

      Still a cool design but not sure if I want it in my house.

  • confused

    #17 what are you talking about?? Why wouldn't that door wor….. ooooooohhhh.

    • newscot

      It would work fine if it's a "push".

      • Sean

        Maybe the hinges on the outside are decoys while the real hinges are on the inside permitting a push door.

  • Sammy

    #8 are those spinning blades underneath? No thanks

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/ADHDavenger13?feature=mhsn Firefighter23

      not scary enough. needs chainsaws

    • Paul

      Stupid Idea… How long do you have to wait before you can even get off the damn thing..!
      I vote for seeing the wreck…. BLENDER..

  • NateyTheGreaty

    You know Chive, every week I tell myself I'll stop procrastinating and get stuff done. And I'm proud to tell you… that you make that damn near impossible.

  • Dagoth Wit

    #12 Immense lulz

  • http://www.facebook.com/jakezav Jake Zavoral

    #14 would make for a good horror film… got to be better than "the happening"

    • Gern Blansten

      Yup, time to run away.

      Quickly.

    • Stevo

      "The Coons"

    • Chaos

      "They mostly come at night. Mostly."

    • http://twitter.com/ABQLifer @ABQLifer

      "Coons? Well when raccoons tried to get in our back porch, Momma just chase 'em off with a broom!"

  • Mike

    #6 tends to happen to me a lot. I end up just shoving it all in my pocket and walk away.

    • Ernie

      you're not alone

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

    #14 Thanks didn't really feel like going to sleep anyways.

  • buddy

    Paula is sliced white bread

  • buddy

    #14 sooner than you think mr smith. we will all be friends.

  • The Bandit

    #9 …was clever, never thought about it…
    #5 …Bill-Fucking Murray was always THE MAN, is the man and will always be…

  • AssClown

    #10 #12 Mmm, I've seen these somewhere before…

  • DSI

    Can w e ban Paula so she has to go somewhere and find a life?

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      No w e can't.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
      — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

  • max

    are #4 and #14 related?

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