Books titles that make you wonder how they ever got published (35 Photos)

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  • passwordistaco

    #6 great gift for a bachelor party

    • Amazonian

      Bummers… I knew it was too good to by true.. looked it up on Amazon.. It's actually Good-bye, Tonsils 😦

  • Sorry i suck

    #28 couldn't get more absurd

    • http://www.facebook.com/FatMoe Maurice Mojoman Byers

      She looks a little young to be getting her salad tossed.

  • Tuff Guy

    #15 Sarah Jessica Parker…. That is all.

    • http://twitter.com/McBeastie666 @McBeastie666

      whatever you do, don't add anything original. just spit out that meme before someone else does. lazy….that is all.

      • Ned Plimpton

        Beat ya to it, did he?? There's no way to be original associating a horse with SJP… That's why simply putting 'SJP' WAS funny.

        • Tuff Guy

          Somebody knew what I was going for… It's all been said before, but just for you @McBeastie666…. Whoa! Didn't know SJP had a twin sister! Herher!!

      • Huell

        SJP jokes have worn out their welcome on theChive, period.

    • FACE!

      good god a SJP Horse joke….it's just as funny as lolcats.

    • Henry Gibson

      Besides, I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker has been exactly bombproof these last few years. It might have done her some good to have read this before she agreed to make "Sex in the City 2."

    • Craigery

      And yet, Chivers just can't get enough Chuck Norris jokes.

      • JHL1

        That's because even though it is a common theme, the jokes are actually different and sometimes actually required thought to come up with.

  • judy

    just wow 😮

    • Judy is a whore

      Whore.

  • Davey

    #3 and #5 available for my Kindle yet?

  • Jasper

    #33 Lol, I got this one at home 😀

    • Sheldon

      lol my brother does too! hilarious

      • andy

        there's a sequel: What's My Pee Telling Me? (seriously)

      • Derek

        My brother got it for me for my birthday! Great bathroom book…

    • Pooh Bear

      Lol! Me too! It's actually informative!

    • JHL1

      I can't understand what my poo is telling me; it just sounds like bloop bloop bloop under all that water.

    • bud

      i look in that book every time i grow a tail

  • fishslayer78

    I love this! Please keep doing this one!

  • untamedride

    #35 the story of how Tom Brady took Drew Bledsoe's job, and didn't give it back…

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      Until Drew hugged Brady before the Raven's game & suddenly Brady was playing like Drew. Let's not do that again.

      • untamedride

        actually, as a Bills fan i hope the Pats go down in flames. not to mention, if Brady didn't take Bledsoe's job, the BIlls wouldn't have signed him to years of more crappy QB play

        • suomynona

          A Bills fan? Lotsa luck.

  • oliverklosov

    #11 My pretty book of big pussies…funny.

    • HAHA

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Anonymous

    I bought #24 for a friend a long time ago. It’s hilarious

  • ukulelemike

    I know you must realize that some of these are fakes, However, some are good, and I suspect, some are weird to you because you don't understand what they are about, (like bomb-proofing your horse). Cooking with Pooh, however, still must be the classic that makes people wonder about where the editor's head was that day.

    • ItPrintsMoney

      blah blah blah c'mon man, chive on!

  • kasshead

    yeah, #33 is also a daily calendar..sitting right here on my desk

    • Theresa

      My sister got me that calendar for christmas a few years ago! Quite informative haha!

  • all hope vanishes

    #25 is a joke…..please.

    • Puttenoar

      not anymore mate.
      this is actually happening right now to us and our kids..
      its really sick indeed.

      it looks like a picture to ridiculate the idea. but its not. its serious.. its in your country..

      • Craigery

        Yeah, don't "ridiculate", "mate."

    • IICoLt45II

      those security guards look a little to excited

      • JHL1

        they always do

    • TSA Agent

      Just going to leave this here…
      <img src="http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/tsacavitysearchcomputer.jpg&quot; alt="TSAdesk" width="600" height="450" border="0">

      • freshandclean

        thank you

      • What'sThatSmell?

        LOL. Classic.

    • awestruck

      i wish it were a joke….(sigh)…..it happens to the best of us

    • Jay

      Fuck the TSA. It's one of many small steps to stripping people of their rights without them noticing.

  • etcrr

    #21 by not getting on them? Or don't go on Italian cruises?

    • Si1entStatic

      I'm actually more concerned that this is the Second Edition, like they needed to add revisions to the original I mean how many ways can you say "Go Around"

  • uhhh

    GIANTS ARE A JOKE!!!
    GO PATS!!!!!

    • FACE!

      No, giants are mythological beasts.

      • POOEATER

        I EAT POO.

    • WhatsThatSmell?

      They were a joke 4 years ago too, right?

    • jibsnow420

      get a life. douche.

  • DirtySnwBoarder

    #14 #1 #22 all the same author haha

    • MonkeyMadness

      What's so funny about that? They're actually very good books for teens.

      • ThatGuy

        But the title's are weirdly worded and sound extremely condescending, which is pretty common with books written for teens by adults. As a former teenager I can attest to this. I'm sure that the books are okay, but I try not to overthink chive posts.

      • hatterstyle

        Actually my parents had all of them, and they never did me any good. In fact I think I actually got "If you really love me…" for my birthday one year. (you know cause I wasn't allowed to read harry potter)

    • Craigery

      Apparently "If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?" was her masterpiece, as she was known afterwards as "The Author of 'If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?'"

    • jibsnow420

      damn, keen observation

  • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

    #26
    Got drunk again after his family went away on vacation.
    #25

  • Elbie

    Can I use #5 to increase the size of other girls boobs?

  • dirtysteve99

    Did anyone else search to see if these books are real?

    • ABSOLUTELYNOT

      NO

    • Mike

      I know the Gansta Rap Coloring book is real
      unfortunately

  • Zedhere

    #1 Because you aren't praying hard enough, heathen!

    • MonkeyMadness

      In a nutshell, the book basically helps teens deal with first world problems. Some teens feel that everything happens to them and that God must "have it out for them." It's actually a very good book.

      • jibsnow420

        your kidding right?

        • jibsnow420

          because thats actually my locker ya stoner

    • KorovaMilkBar

      Clearly its because of the gays and the Jews.

      • FaggyJew

        And the Milk Bars.

    • Craigery

      It's because you touch yourself at night!

    • yoselahonda

      It's the same reason you don't get any ladies. You can't get the latch up.

  • Ay Ay Caramba

    #21 Step one: steer the fuck out of its way. Step two: that's pretty much it.

    • Midget Tits

      Step 3: Eat ice cream.

  • dgd

    Other than the ones that are obviously fake, those were funny.

    • DaddyJoe

      You're Mom is funny.

  • Missoula

    #21 How are rocks and icebergs supposed to read a book?

    • Titantic

      Icebergs don't avoid huge ships…they stay in the way.

      • etcrr

        It's a conspiracy, Penguins sit in zoos reading our minds and figure out how to screw us over. The Iceburgs are neuclear powered they deliberately screw with us ( yes it is satirical )

    • Si1entStatic

      because this is the Second Edition so it's in audio tape form for the visually impaired sea captains and Sea creatures cause we all know Penguin's secretly pilot Icebergs.

  • BizzOWND

    #29 microwave cooking for ever alone

  • MonkeyMadness

    #7 I guess Chive thought it was too funny to pass up even though its an obvious photoshop job.

    • DonkeyDadness

      Your mom is a photoshop job.

    • Grover Carey

      Pic might be shopped, but it’s a real book…

      • Mike

        That is the actual cover

    • Mike

      as was pointed out: Amazon.com look it up $11.41 and up

      • Mike

        sorry $21.28 for used

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