Daily Morning Awesomeness (30 Photos)

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  • Vent187

    Good morning chivettes. Happy burnsday!

    • ozzychiver

      Luv burnsday!!!

    • Jamie

      I love Mr. Burns! He is a great character. Thanks for reminding all of us!

      KCACO!

      • davidhendu

        Everyone wants you dead.

    • mikey

      #17 do your fuckin job, mop boy.

      • blah

        This is why you go out and get an education. Debt is totally worth it.

    • All Chivettes

      Oh, Vent…that's so sweet of you. Now we all want to suck your cock.

    • SlimtwigMJ

      Well done, sir.

  • The Village Idiot

    First!

    • The Village Mayor

      Are you always this much of a shitbag?

    • https://www.facebook.com/cody.w.burns Cody Burns

      *throws blue turtle*

    • Smashy

      Yep, first idiot to post second. Keep reaching for the sky, it's inspiring to see the mentally challenged posting "first" even though they're not.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten
    • love asian girls!

      At least you got your screen name right

  • B Dub

    Okay, I laughed way too hard at #30 !!

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Someone is in some DEEP shit after this

      • Me.

        Unless his little pecker fits in that bottle he is not getting laid for a loooong time.

      • married to awesome

        Bollocks. Not all women are crazy. True story.

    • Gron

      I don't say epic much, but that was indeed epic.

    • Kevin

      Its so clear that they are married. (yes I see their child but that doesnt necessarily mean marriage) I would love to make the Interwebz by pulling this on my gf , however if I did I think I be looking forward to FLBP and Mind the Gap much more than I should, for obvious reasons.

    • moho512

      I Laughed uncontrollably at this! What a good start to my day

    • thebeefinjector

      That was AWESOME!!!! Epic dude is Epic.

    • bigcityreem

      You weren't the only one.

    • HumpDan

      Chive, please find this man so i can buy him another bud light.

      • Joe

        I would also like to buy him a beer

    • socalmarti

      I hope he's good at kissing his own d*ck too!!

      • MattyDeuce

        gross, why would you hope for that?

    • JMac

      He gave up a lot of ass for that joke! Well worth it, though! =)

  • dave

    Not first!!!! Lol.

    • ManBearPig

      Success is not your virtue. Please pass away if that is physically possible. I thank you very much, and may God not bless your soul.

      P.S. boobs are not a sin.

    • hehaha

      Lol indeed

  • Romeo

    Find them #9

    • J..

      Oh, he found them alright…

    • Paulas anger

      Find a therapist Romeo, these girls are barely old enough to jump on the bouncy castle

    • davidhendu

      Lol find them he says. No problem. Check the Algebra Classes at your local high school.

      • Dolphonkey

        That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

    • Chim Richels

      Find them? Go to your local high school. Classes start back up next week.

      Problem is that these girls (at least the two on the right), will both gain 40 pounds in college.

    • Lunch_Box

      Get over yourselves douche bags, those girls are college age. Romeo has nothing to worry about.

    • turd ferguson

      yeah find them and ask them why they took my area rug!

  • logan87k

    #22 … this guy is a pro…

    • cee dub

      Isn't this basically sexual assault?

      • assault is assault.

        Yes. But at time of writing, 98 thumbs up don't seem to care. I'm not one of them.

      • I'm #1

        They were asking for it. Riding the streets on those whore machines.

    • https://www.facebook.com/quinnwalton Quinn Taylor Walton

      These are my friends! HA They did it! That's in Austin/

      • Underbaker

        Are you sure that isn't the Machine and his Russian Friends?

    • Mr_Taco

      Now smell your hand.

  • https://www.facebook.com/trevor.muxlow Trevor Muxlow

    Yeaaaahya

  • Vic

    #29 alison brie gets me through my nights..

    • Colin

      I think it may be time for a full up to date Alison Brie gallery.

      • Vic

        i 2nd that for sure!

      • ChiveMaster

        I third that

    • Salt

      Annie's pretty young, we try not to sexualize her.

      • Misfit7734

        is she not 29??

        • ChiveMaster

          Its from the show, man.

    • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

      she is so beautiful, damn

  • suck me dry

    suck me all the way off

    • Sonofabitch

      Hahahahhahaa. Love this guy ^^^ makes me laugh everytime.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Just give up already.

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Y?

    • serge

      IMPOSTER.. you are clearly not the genius we knew to love here. Now go sit in the corner.

  • Emucratic

    #22 nuff for the whole week.

    • JTW

      Looks staged. The first girl actually sticks her butt out to be hit.

      • Kristen

        Must be a whore chivette.

      • nigglet

        no she does not

  • Zak

    #23 this looks awesome!

    • https://www.facebook.com/rich.oneill Rich O'Neill

      i want to see a video of this

      • thatguy

        it's in there:

    • Dr_StrangePants

      His Last Words:

      FUCK YEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  • tim

    #17 kids that are at the age to do that should not be allowed in public, most of them anyway

    • Brian

      You do realize that kids that are 'at that age' are usually 2-18 months, right? No, of course you realize that. Your parents obviously didn't let you leave the house until you were thirteen. Maybe they haven't let you leave yet, actually. Hmm.

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Well i think the family who did that should be put to death along with 95% of 0-8 year olds. Theyre all a bunch of hasbeens neway.

        #abortion

        • Tom

          How about you go fuck yourself.

        • Adam

          I feel the same way about parents who teach their kids to use hash tags in comments! Should have put that one in the dumpster.

        • trl87

          If only that statement had been true during just one day when you were between 0 and 8.

        • FKOFF AZZHOLE

          You sir are dumber than dirt

    • parent

      If you can't be bothered cleaning that up after a customers kids do this then get another job asshole.

      • kigero

        The guy really shouldn't complain. He should try my job for a bit and then moan about that mess

      • MikeOverHere

        Amen.

      • skyfireCO

        you have obviously never worked in a restaurant – servers are not there to be babysitters.

        • Rick_

          We don't expect baby sitters. But to assume that paying customers who tip should be cleaning up their own table after they've eaten is ridiculous.
          Some tables are messier than others, regardless of whether it's due to kids, normal dinning or drunken slobs who vomit on the bar (yes it happens). Clean up the mess either way and be happy you have a job. If you don't like it, find another one. And yes, I have worked in a restaurant, 🙂

          • http://www.facebook.com/Tomsfoolery Tommy Dieterich

            Yeah! To assume that paying customers should be cleaning up after themselves after taking a shit on the floor is just ridiculous. I tipped, therefor I am allowed to do whatever I want and throw away all sense of common decency.

            Parents who think the world revolves around their children are the problem. Not the kids. At least the kids have an excuse.

            • Hand of Fate

              Yes, because tipping someone and expecting them to do work beyond setting food down on your table is just wrong.

              Former waiter, host and dishwasher here. I had to clean up waaaaaaaaaaaaay worse when I wasn't even getting tipepd and never bitched about it. Some folk need to just suck it up.

              I mean, what the Hell are they going to do, go ask for the broom and the mop?

              Clean up and be thankful you have someone to clean up after.

      • assman

        so we should just allow people to be slobs in public? you are the type of person that is giving us decent courteous americans a bad name. How about you clean the nacho crumbs off your shirt and go take a shower.

        • LuvsHorror

          Agree. When is it okay to be a pig in public? Probably the ones who let their kids run all over a restaurant too.

    • http://twitter.com/DrDrai1122 @DrDrai1122

      You fucking work at Chipotle… aka the most delicious place in the world. Go eat a burrito and STFU

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Ur moms delicious

        • trl87

          According to the interwebs, you like to eat Iragi moms.

    • Justin

      Because your job is too difficult to get a broom an dust pan and sweep up the floor. I worked as a server for 7yrs, and if this is your biggest complaint you have it easy. How many times have you had to trash can dive because some little kid thinks their glasses or whatever was thrown away by accident? BTW stop being effing stingy with the chicken for the burritos. I feel like i am eating 4 pounds of rice and 10 tiny pieces of chicken.

    • http://twitter.com/wdevlin @wdevlin

      Seriously. The workers get paid to be there. Kids are messy – we all were at one time (and some of us still are). Don't complain because you have to actually work at cleaning a table up. I'm sure there are plenty of other people in this country who wouldn't mind.

    • dirt

      Your the asshole, if you don't like it find a new job

      • Deep Dish

        *You're clearly uneducated.

    • JFrost

      When my kids were little, and they did this, I'd leave a little extra on the tip to say "sorry, and thanks."

      • This is Me

        Ditto on what JFrost said. I policed our table when we'd take the kids out; I never let it get this bad, but I'd always leave something extra. (And we never gave them crackers, which is like 90% of the typical mess. You guys want less mess, keep serving-size bags of cheerios around.)

      • Asolare

        Good person right here (Jfrost). I used to work at a cafe/restaurant and someone did this, ONCE, and it made my day.

      • Rick_

        Exactly.

    • https://www.facebook.com/vincekristin.aleman Vince-Kristin Aleman

      While I think you are an asshole for saying this, I'm glad to see others that see it for what it is… JOB SECURITY! I have an 11 month old and she loves to throw her stuff on the floor, my husband works in the food industry and I always start to clean it up and he tells me to stop. He says that if a server complains about cleaning up after the customers kids (you know the people that help pay your check) then they need to find a different job!

      • Kristen

        Tell your husband I'll be waiting for him tonight…freshly shaved.
        PS He says your snatch smells horrible.

      • LuvsHorror

        Teach your husband and kids manners.

        • http://www.facebook.com/Tomsfoolery Tommy Dieterich

          She'll need his permission first.

    • Joe

      Sound like someone isn't keeping calm and chiving on…

    • JTW

      Ag give it up. If a person's job is to clean up, and he whines about cleaning up, it isn't the customers with the issue.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Tomsfoolery Tommy Dieterich

        His job isn't to clean.

    • det.junior

      I understand it's his job but what ever happened to trying to teach kids some manners and discipline? Just another reason kids are brats these days and we now have the Pussification of America.
      Parents gotta parent.

      • Adam

        I know right! God damned babies have no concept of respect! Or what they're fingers are for!

      • Asolare

        Depending on the age of the kid, I agree. Obviously a toddler gets a free ride in terms of table manners. But if there are like 8 year olds running round or shouting and stuff in a nice restaurant, it takes me a lot not to turn around and throw my chair at the parents. On the other hand it makes me want to kneel and kiss the hand of the parents of well-behaved children.

    • AssHaterson

      Chipotle always gives me a boner…. and yes, I clean up after my son, no matter where we go.

    • Edgar

      First of all people who make these types of comments don't have any kids. Second, parents aren't proud of their children doing these messes. Third, I feel sorry for people that don't have any children.

      As a waiter when I was younger I was used to these messes when children were around, no big deal, nothing a broom and a wipe couldn't clean. It's even harder work tending after the children.

      I just can't believe Chive would value this picture as worthy for Awesomeness. It's something more for loser Facebook types.

      • LardyMCFry

        typical servers,they just want a tip and not have to do anything to earn it.

      • JohnnyDingo

        I agree with nearly everything you said except,"I feel sorry for people that don't have any children."
        Where did that come from? Sounds really shitty

        • junior

          I'm have no kids…and have never felt like I missed out on something. Good for you if you love having kids but don't feel sorry for me Argentina, it takes all kinds to make the world go around

        • Deep Dish

          It's a typical thing to say when you use your children to justify your existence because you've got nothing else going on.

          I'm looking forward to having kids, but I'll never be one of those high and mighty d-bags that looks down on people who don't have kids.

    • ZenkTheTanK

      Chipotle

    • Andrew

      Yeah sure, next time I take my young children to a fast food restaurant, I will make sure to bring my broom and dust pan so I can clean up after them. That way you can go back to worrying about more important things, like how to screw up my order.

      • andfukyamoms

        There's a lot of middle ground between taking a broom and dustpan with you where ever you go, and keeping your kids from making a huge ridiculous mess. If the child is older than 3 or 4 than they should have an idea that this isnt ok.

        Any parent who leaves a public space like this should be embarrassed. If your kids act like this in your presence, i can't imagine how they act in school or at a friends house.

        What if you were having dinner at a relatives or friends house and your kids did this?? How embarrassing for those awful parents. Might as well let em run around screaming and disturbing everyone else in the restaurant.

        • Asolare

          Voted down. Meant to vote up. Oops. Soz.

        • Andrew

          Yes, a 3 or 4 year old should know not to throw food on the floor. But guess what, sometimes they do, and that says nothing of how their parents raise them. The parents could raise them to know proper manners and then the kid has a bad day and throws a fit, and this mess happens. Plus the caption says, "if you can't be bothered to clean up after your kids", I ask how in the world would a parent in this situation clean this mess? If my kids were to do this at a family member's or friend's house I would certainly clean it up, because first of all it would be easier for the parent to clean up after their child, and also because it is not the hosts job to clean up after kids.

          If this were to happen at this establishment I would be embarrassed, and definitely apologize for the mess, but in the end it is the employees job to clean up messes.

          One last point, it this is what the employee is complaining about having to clean up he/she has got it easy. I worked at Taco Bell in High School and had to clean up some nasty messes, including drunk idiots coming in and vomiting in the dining room. I did not complain because I was paid to do that.

          • http://www.facebook.com/Tomsfoolery Tommy Dieterich

            I love when people complain about things and then sum it up with "but you don't see me complaining"

        • LuvsHorror

          Absolutely andfuk. It is rude.

      • socalmarti

        Ding,ding,ding….. we have a winner!!!

    • ADT

      Children are terrible, terrible people. I hate how parents think it's just so cute when they're throwing their food and shit and making noises when other people are trying to eat. Your kid isn't cute. It's a monster and it's going to grow up to be one of the worst assholes on the planet.

    • Yep

      I guess nobody noticed that it isn't even the employee taking the pic. He's the one with the dishcloth on the right (See? Right next to the broom and dust pan at the wall) The person complaining is probably some random customer.

      • Sean

        Yeah, because no restaurant in existence has ever had more than one employee. So it MUST be a customer.

    • Big D

      So let me see, this guy who gets paid to clean up wants some customer to get on his hands and knees and try to clean up some crumbs with a napkin, when it would take all of 1 minute with a broom. Yeah, pretty sure I don't want to see customers getting on all fours trying to clean crumbs up after they eat.

      The child I would not want to be around is the one who took this picture and complained about using a broom to clean some crumbs. He sounds like the brat to me.

      • JMac

        Damn straight…well said!

    • JMac

      You are absolutely right! What were they thinking making you sweep some crumbs?!! Now, take this mop and go clean up the puke and shit in the bathroom. After that you can clean the grease tanks.

    • Rick_

      But then what do we tip you for?

    • Hand of Fate

      Sorry #17, but without those families coming in to support your establishment, you probably wouldn't have the shitty, minimum wage job you do, brother.

      Let me guess, you're one of those assholes who takes someone's order at the counter, wants to do nothing else, yet still has the tip cup out for some unknown reason? lol.

  • Rusty Shackleford

    #20 Okay, I won't be walking through that place at night

    • Kodos

      where's my M41A pulse rifle?

    • bigcityreem

      Imagine being drunk and seeing that $hit at night.

    • Kristen

      Pussy.

  • SwarleySheen

    #28
    Dear Bahma Men,
    It was this goddamn cat.
    Sincerely,
    Everyone in the 90's

    • ToNELoCo

      Good Lawd…. That was mothafuggin funny!

    • bigcityreem

      Nice one!

    • Reginald

      Haha… I was thinking the exact same thing!

    • Dr_StrangePants

      You Sir, Deserve the Key to the Internet for Today

    • SKEEBLER

      WHAT IS BAHMA MEN?

      • Yeah

        Wrote the song "Who let the dogs out."

        • Jouhker

          Actually Baha Men, but most of us knew who he was talking about!

    • dusty0601

      Thanks, that made me spit coffee on my computer. Well done, sir. Well done.

    • Trinitiger

      Yeah, pretty funny for sure!!! Good one!
      SwarleySheen. One quick thing, The Baha Men didn't release the song until the year 2000.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.munn.9 James Munn

    #30 Like a pro…

  • Cubbster

    I need to get some sleep. SJU, can you help me?

  • http://cinemaplastique.tumblr.com MigraineBoy

    #6 Skynet doesn't deliver on its promises like James Cameron said it would.

    • (. _ .)

      just a bunch of thug floor sweepers

    • Dr_StrangePants

      the chainsaw one from the other day looked practical…..oh god what am I saying

    • Knuckles Grymm

      Post of the day, well played.

    • Rodriguez

      How does it pull the trigger?

  • redsolocup

    #30 Like a Boss!

  • Tiber_Septim

    #28 Now that's funny right there, I don't care who you are

    • mud butt

      It appears that we all now know 'who let the dogs out'

  • Cubbster

    I need to get some sleep. SJU

    • bcbigbuds

      try jerking off

      • Cubbster

        Yer sister already took care of that department. Didn't work.

  • Pghchive

    #23 the blob!

    • guy

      how'd your mom get on the roof?

  • http://thinkrandomness.blogspot.com beserker

    #22 like a boss!
    #29 ready for action

  • MattKL

    #15 Nailed it.

  • LaurenGoMeow

    #30 cant stop laughing.. thanks chive i needed that

    • hark1985

      Man has his priorities haha. I almost crashed on my way to work seeing this lol

      • Shit

        For fucks sake…put the goddamned phone down and drive/ride.

  • jasgat66

    #3 Damn… I can think she can kick some serious ass…

    • Fuhrer D

      Future softball player. She has the build down already.

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