Daily Morning Awesomeness (25 Photos)

Advertisement
  • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Goooooooood morning my dear minions and other asshats! In part 3 of the increasingly popular "Paula analyses" series (see the last 2 DARs for the previous parts) I will analyse another comment I get a lot: "Go fuck yourself!.

    Paula's analysis: I feel… Confusion and insecurity. FIRST of all, you don't grasp the full meaning of this statement. On a technical level, one would have to be a hermaphrodite, and one with a pretty flexible willy at that! Trust me, those are delightful, but more rare than deflowered Chivers.
    Also, 'fucking yourself' is pretty hard (the paradox should be obvious; can't fuck when it's limb, can't reach when it's hard).
    You also seem insecure about your own sexuality. So far, only the ever gorgeous <3Lauren<3 has been brave enough to truly and pubicly open her heart to me, not fearing the reaction of others. Good for you dear!

    For my next analysis; I'll be taking requests. What do you need me to explain for you?

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • faceplate

      ehhggh, too many words lady

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        But…. did you notice the subtle FIRST !? Hell that's so creative of me!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • Darksoul

          Woman, or man; or ?????? I bet you are great at everything unholy and kinky, let's hang out!

        • hMMMM

          this is a lot of work. First, you have to write all that out on some kind of word processor. Then you have to highlight said passage, copy, then refresh until a new post appears, only to race to the bottom and click paste. That's dedication for you, I guess…

          • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

            That procedure would only apply to regular Chivers dear.

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – the one you love to hate

      • B U M LOOKER

        heyy monkey paula_ heyy wots up ? huh? who's lauren?

    • Eh.
    • saucypants

      Please explain your relentless need for attention.

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I can't, because I don't suffer that condition. I'm here for a good time and to entertain my minions on a site I love.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • DirtyBlondeSnowGirl

          Pretty sure you can't justify referring to any Chivers as "minions" when, in fact, we have little reason to respect or listen to you. Not that you aren't fantastic; certainly that would be premature judgment. Perhaps people wouldn't "love to hate you" if you didn't diminish our integrity with such a condescending word. People don't like pretentious bitches. Fact. Though you seem to be one of those "I don't care what people think of me, I just don't fit into societies norms" types. Hipster alert anyone? Anyway chive on and maybe take some writing courses to improve the delivery of your bullshit-Hitler was a bastard too but everyone listened to him because he could dish out one damn good speech. And a good day to you.

          WOW wasn't that an annoyingly large amount to read?!?! Oh well it's OBVIOUSLY important 😉

          Saucy Kisses,
          Callie
          -The one who hates monkeys

          • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

            Few remarks; english is only my second language. Comparing me to Hitler?? Hitler delivered his speeches with a lot of acting; one of the reason he unfortunately was succesful.
            Finally there's an online and offline me. You'd never match those two if you knew me. And I certainly don't need writing courses 🙂

            Sniff,
            Paula
            – the one you love to hate

          • ChaseTheWalker

            You spelled OBAMA wrong…

    • RockabillyRev

      Too long, Didn't read.

    • https://www.facebook.com/coastguard Chris Sko

      Why the fuck don't the admins block her IP? Please!!!!!????

      • iwarnock

        Because is one of the admins fyi.. lol

      • Horseface

        Why the fuck do you care? The only thing that's worse than a troll is the whiny bitch that acts like it's the end of the world if a troll isn't banned.

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Becauuuuuuuse…. IMPOSSIBRU!!! And dangerous; might take down the whole site! Do you want risking that? Do you? DO YOU?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

      • Underbaker

        Because she is entertaining, you are just a whiner.

    • LoupFer

      TLDR

    • http://www.kneedeepinabottle.com Navin R. Johnson

      What do you need me to explain for you?
      Your sudden departure?

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Well, why don't you start by telling me where the universe ends? Curious about that…
        And if you like another challenge: when did it come in to existense? And what was there before that?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • Adam_R

          ……..

          ……" Aliens "

          ….crazyguy.jpg

    • chicago

      someone is on the rag…

    • https://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      God, when you blather on endlessly it makes me so HOT!

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        SO hot it makes you …?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • https://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

          …..sweat excessively in the groinal area.

          • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

            I´d drink that!

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – the one you love to hate

            • https://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

              And I'd let you.

          • JHL1

            "sweat excessively in the groinal area" would be a good title of a rock song.

    • Active Hunter

      A real pic of you…

    • Say what?

      My balls itch.

    • TheBigboppper

      Do you actually wake up and think people want to hear your "analysis"? You need a reality check…. Also

    • beasty

      I have a query for you Paula. You arrived around the departure of HHNF. Are u related? She was a similarily observant and oft misunderstood soul. On a side note, your negative rating has moved greatly over the past few months, please theorize for us.

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Truth: I'm not in any way related to HHNF.
        And my score going up is just because you fuckers are thumbing me up regardless; hell, I even get loads of thumbs up when I just post a 'first!' comment. Go figure. They think they're quite the rebels…

        Sniff,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

    • NICK BURNS!

      How about explaining how little of a life you have that you are able to write up this little shitty diddy and just wait and wait until this thread was posted so you could be the first person to comment on it.
      Get bent.
      Please don't analyze that, either.
      No on gives a shit, but you.

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        When you take the train, do you just go to the station and wait for one to come along?

        Sniff,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

    • grunt87

      Alright Paula, so I'm new to The Chive. You seem like a pretty active person in the comments…why are you so hated or why do you hate people???

    • Mike

      Anyone else notice the lack of intelligence in reference to "hard versus soft"
      limb = tree limp = soft penis…. just saying…

      • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

        English is only my second language asshat! Still not too bad me thinks.

        Sniff,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

  • jonathan

    Dammit! i DMA's too late/early and now i'll have nothing to look forward to in the morning. you win this round, internet…

    • http://www.spachethespatula.com/ Rachael

      It pretty much always goes up a little after midnight pacific time, dude
      :/

      • jonathan

        after midnight in venice = after 2am in chicago.

  • th@hotmial.com

    sdfghjkl;

    • bob lee swagger

      Great comment. It was thought-provoking, compelling, and rich. Well done!

      • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

        totally love the user name.

  • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #19 NO THAT IS NOT ME!
    Damn, strong chick though… I love strong chicks…

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • Zedhere

      If you lifted weights like that you would be fucking yourself.

    • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

      Bummer .. I totally had a little mahagony action going on ..

      =(

  • Me.

    #1"…..Well ya shouldn't have parked there…hope you can swim."

    • bob lee swagger

      You are not funny.

      • Nick Memphis

        You are quite funny…is this your daughter? #11

  • Anonymous

    Good Morning Chivers and Chivettes! It’s Friday!!!

  • blub_glub

    #25 nooo, not sad at all .. absolutely hated calculus and math

    • g3nXsLack3r

      No calculus and just a smidge of math in those…

    • BType13X2

      Wait you could do math on those? J/K Math 31 (calculus) made me hate all math for the future.

    • https://www.facebook.com/aokeefe3185 Andrew O'Keefe

      My teachers in HS would always ask why I had my calculator out in English class… This is why lol

    • Lisa

      where's the screen shot of Drug Wars? that game was the shit.

    • poo$

      Phoenix beats Angry Birds any day

    • hMMMM

      TI-83 was the ripoff model. You either got the dependable gray TI-82 or you got the sleek black TI-85. Tetris and Drug Wars.

      Used to store equations in there for Trig and Calc classes, too.

  • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #2 Because Dumbledore is worth it…

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • alpha

      that's gandalf you buffoon

      • jdfish2279

        Hook, line, and sinker……..

        • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Oh yeah!
          I must confess I almost feel sorry for baiting Chivers. I mean; if I were equally succesful at fishing as baiting Chivers I'd just have to hold a bucket over the river and say: "come fishies, jump in to the bucket" and have a bucket full of fish within seconds.

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – not that I eat fish; because: it tastes like fish

          • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

            …. and Paula for the win!

            • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

              Aaaaaas usual ❤

              Hugs,
              Paula
              – the one you love to hate

    • Jon

      Go away. Please.

  • MrAliasMan

    From the looks of those people on the plane… its not going to be able to take off anyway.. #3 (and yes i'm a Fluffy guy myself)

    • lulz

      hey, that one is from 'the oatmeal' give some credits chive

      • KYLExGOOD

        the Chive don't do 'credit'…Why? Because fuck 'em. That's why.

        • SwingoutScott

          Douchebag. TheOatmeal is a great site with original content. And they've had stuff pulled from other sites that routinely post their shit – usualyl if they ignore friendly emails about it. Bottom line, I'd rather protect Jon and Leo. Give credit where credit is due.

          • KYLExGOOD

            Internet name calling is fun.

    • BType13X2

      Oh no they'll make it off the ground then rapidly back to the ground soon after.

      • toosticks

        You both are ignoring the fact that this is a cartoon of a plane waiting in unload. Meaning that it already flew and safely landed.

    • holyshit

      why do the people look like sperm?

    • crazydog

      even more annoying; sheep who take seventeen minutes to get their fucking luggage and move on

      • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

        Sheep carry luggage? Somebody should tell them they're not people.

    • McBeastie

      another annoyance added: fat guys who call themselves "fluffy"

      • KYLExGOOD

        It is the acknowledgement that they have lost 100 % of their manhood.

    • techno_viking

      That's why you step your fucking game up and sit 1st class.

  • TigerWoody

    #12…Dude, no telling where that's been…

    • well hung over

      Why do you think he's giving him a handshake

  • Tiger

    #12 "I must break you"

    • Steve

      "Go for it"

  • SucksForHim

    #17 Lol he's wearing a swimming cap for the piss..

    • Kodos

      kid should have his "race card" pulled… sad

    • Negron69

      That's definitely not R. Kelly

      • alpha

        it definitely is

  • Wham

    #19 Deleted scene from King Kong

    • Tri140point6

      I thought it was a scene from the movie Precious II: Precious Pumps Up

    • mikey

      Another Jackson sister…they all look alike to me…

  • Meep.

    #20 "Meep."

  • Lyndsay

    I work right next door to number 8. It's been dark when I have gone past so I couldn't see what they were doing!

    • herp

      #8

  • .OG.

    #10
    every friday

    • kate_the_gate

      Every day!

  • BadKitty

    #22 Web surfing…you're doing it wrong.

    • Tri140point6

      but it worked this way with my ipad

  • g3nXsLack3r

    #14 OMFG!!! Where is this Reggae Disco-Tek?!?!

    • NZbro

      I think its on phi phi in thailand

    • Fogell

      yup, you can enter a fight if you want, you vs another random guy from the bar, winner gets a bucket of booze! (i won) 😀

    • snowboard9er

      Same island from the movie THE BEACH with Leo Dicaprio… He probably got his ass kicked at Reggae

    • doctorjoshie

      This place is actually the wellspring of all the testosterone in the world. A buddy of mine walked the earth for a year like Kwai Chang Caine and fought the real-life equivalent of Ivan Drago at this place. I've never wanted a beer that badly.

    • drew

      This was my first thought as well. The GIF was funny enough, but the advertisement made it.

  • Jones.

    #26 lol Rebecca Black is soo silly..

    • The Bandit

      …this little doggy for sure has the better looks…and definitely the better singing voice…

    • jpp407

      Rebecca Black, Auto-Tune disabled.

    • Tri140point6

      add a Fire Hyydrant and it would be his greatest day ever

    • bob lee swagger

      You are an idiot.

  • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

    #11 – IS PURE AWESOMENESS AWARD!

    • DutchChiveFan

      Nope, just sad. Wouldn't let my daughter near a barret 50 cal sniper rifle. Bad parenting…

      • bob lee swagger

        Well I'm sure your daughter will be handling a lot of "rifles" anyway….

        get it?

        I was talking about c*cks….Your daughter is going to be a whore, basically.

        • Nick Memphis

          That was a better shot than the one that took out Lon Scott…shit, I think that was his name.

        • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

          YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME!! Both in name and comments, Sir!
          haa haa .. I totally derped!

      • Mike

        Oh yea? why? What's she going to do with it? Unless her father is completely brain dead, it's not as if it would be LOADED. Most rational people would assume that scenario is more "here honey, just stand here and hold this and smile for the camera for a minute" and less "here honey, you're 4 years old now, here's your very own anti-materiel rifle! go hunt some buicks."

        …Or are you just one of those "guns are bad always and children should never be allowed near them!" people?

        Bad parenting my ass…they posed her for a humorous picture. o.0

        • Joe

          I agree with you.
          Regardless of the situation, our kids should be familiar with guns and not be one of those people who think guns are for criminals or that guns are bad or that guns increase crimes.
          In Switzerland, everybody owns a gun. Now, guess which country has the lowest crime rate in the entire world.

        • P.E.T.B.

          Buicks are a part of mother nature's earth just like every other creature, and you have no right to hunt them

          (seriously, "hunt some buicks" made me spit coffee everywhere…)

      • loso

        It’s AWESOME! Because it pisses you off

        Anything involving guns pissing people off is the bacon on top of a FU sandwich

      • ATXVince

        Bad parenting? Hell I would teach my daughter to shoot one, but that is just how we do things down here in Texas…

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      Or maybe it was Show & Tell at school that day. :p

      • Josiah

        Badest-assed Show and Tell EVER.

      • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

        I second that! Which school is this .. so I can move there and sign my daughter up for show and tell!

    • JHL1

      If guns are outlawed, only little girl outlaws will have guns.

  • manchakattack

    Agree soooo much with #10 !!!
    I don't know why pants are necessary to begin with?

    • saucypants

      They're like sleeves but for your legs.

  • The Bandit

    #5 …lucky this one, unlike Peter, didn't have the wish to stay a kid….lucky us!

    • drew

      Unlucky pedobear.

    • allscool

      Amber Scott, never really did much acting after this

  • http://gravatar.com/testing2 Jim Beam

    Paula. TL:DR.

    • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

      You're missing out. Glad it made you smile though.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – the one you love to hate

  • Will.

    #15 Ashton Kutchers new film….. Description: Douche bag in a v-neck rides a briefcase. Not a far stretch for him minus the briefcase.

    • Kid.

      That looks painful… avoid bumps by all cost.

    • bob lee swagger

      If there was a movie called "Douchebag in a v-neck rides a briefcase" I would demand to watch it immediately.

  • Ander

    #5 Thank God she grew up hot, cuz she was one annoying kid in that movie

    • Lisa

      such a whiny little brat. you're in neverland, bitch, cheer the eff up.

    • Joel

      haha agreed! I saw the movie again the other day and seriously wished she'd shut up.

blog comments powered by Disqus
Back to the top