Another week, another list of the funniest Tweets I had time to find! Enjoy them and/or enjoy bitching about how you didn’t enjoy them in the comments!
Don't even try telling me there's nothing going on between Mama Berenstain Bear and the family dentist. pic.twitter.com/Oz0qtbn9I8
— Elliott Kalan (@ElliottKalan) January 7, 2017
DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY SON pic.twitter.com/FVufoXLRe0
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) January 7, 2017
My biggest accomplishment as a parent is that my 3 y.o. daughter knows how to hit the 'Skip Ad' button after 5 seconds in YouTube videos.
— Nicken Drumsticks (@beefman138) January 2, 2017
Jeez, the prequel to the X men looks like a snooze fest pic.twitter.com/IW1RI0H7WE
— It's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) November 22, 2016
Ref: Call it in the air..
Me: A QUARTER.
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) September 11, 2014
I'm at Applebee's eating dinner right now because my microwave is broken & I needed someone else to microwave my dinner for me.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) September 2, 2016
When your definitely not a cop pic.twitter.com/xSOthIhzt5
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) November 21, 2016
when you realize the statue of mona lisa looks like keith urban 😳 pic.twitter.com/Fh1iDxBvBf
— ️ (@DlCKSLEXIC) October 30, 2016
YALL I LOOKED THROUGH THE REFLECTION OF MY GLASS SLIDING DOOR AND I THOUGHT MY DOG WAS CHILLIN ON FIRE BUT IT WAS JUST THE FIRE PIT OUTSIDE pic.twitter.com/ekWDhCLV7e
— marisa (@mcampsss) November 15, 2016
It's called conjugating a verb into the wrong tense, maybe you've hear of it
— Human Shark (@AbrasiveGhost) December 2, 2016
when u low on potassium and u want to remind ur Instagram followers that potassium is a key component of a balanced diet pic.twitter.com/BYKveHYxig
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) January 9, 2017
being violent and drunk in Japan sounds amazing pic.twitter.com/mfTETfjQwj
— Thomas Gorton (@AngstromHoot) January 6, 2017
After a long, hard day of work, all I want to do is put on sweatpants and seal myself in my apartment forever like a dead pharaoh.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) January 12, 2017
either the rain washed them into the street this way or the garbage trash can finally convinced the recycling trash can to try public anal. pic.twitter.com/F6aE8lVSLP
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) January 13, 2017
Trump IS creating jobs. This is 3 Doors Down's first paying gig since '07.
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) January 13, 2017
"I got 22 inch rims and a 56 inch waist" ~ Lyrics from my upcoming body positive rap album
— Guy who hates arson (@mattytalks) January 13, 2017
when you show up to brunch and someone starts asking 'do you even remember last night when you…' pic.twitter.com/aY6bmw2HjZ
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) January 9, 2017
Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware?
Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware?
M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 4, 2017
I THINK THE FUCK NOT. LMFAO. CANCELED. pic.twitter.com/CMo1VVKOJ5
— puertorican princess (@araslanian_) January 7, 2017
me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car
my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 20, 2016
if ur ever feeling lonely just remember that tom from myspace created an entire social network and made himself everyone's friend by default
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) December 7, 2016
The Kirk Cameron Subway Birthday has always been and shall always be the saddest image ever recorded by man. pic.twitter.com/aohLQ1C33a
— Ethan Booker (@Ethan_Booker) January 13, 2017
The Internet is almost over! pic.twitter.com/dVF6JeWvSx
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2017
When I remember to feed the fish and they're all still alive pic.twitter.com/bwvGC4Ba38
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) January 11, 2017