There’s a lot that goes into making a pornographic film, especially when it comes to set design. You want just the right amount of stuff to make it look realistic and completely plausible that a 26-year old is really just turning 18, and the creepy neighbour hitting on her doesn’t look like Ron Jeremy. But hey, everyone’s got a fantasy and a porn genre that speaks to them. Mine, for example, is the teacher fantasy, the one where you need to work for that extra credit. And it looks like I’m not there only one.
There’s a guy out there, who’s got a website dedicated to the accuracy of what’s on chalkboards in teacher/student porn. Called Blackboards in Porn, he rates the truthfulness of what’s written on the board and tries to educate the viewer on what’s wrong and what’s correct about the info. He’s a wordy guy, so I’ve tried to paraphrase his commentary, but please head over to his site for his full wit.
This is a necessary service, because if you believe everything you see in a porno, and it’s wrong, you’re messed up for life.
Geography Class
Rating: 3/10
Given that the world is round, and it’s a challenge to accurately represent a spherical object in 2 dimensions, this is a decent attempt. The blogger points out that the teacher has made a great choice in map projection – refusing to use the Mercator projection for the Mollweide or Tobler hyperelliptical projection, but she’s missing continents. A lot of them.
Given the fact that she’s got a globe right in front of her, she’s probably not a real geography teacher.
Mathematics
Rating: 2/10
Right off the bat, the presentation of the formulae is sloppy and non-standard. Firstly, numbers should go before letters and there’s too many brackets. It’s great that the answer that she’s looking for is FUN=LUST, but the math is all wrong.
Instead of trying to shoehorn lust into the equation, she should try to bring food into it, and ask her students what the volume of a circular pizza with a radius z and a height of a is.
The answer is pi.z.z.a. Now that’s math I can get into!
English 101
Rating: 3/10
From what what we can see, that’s some pretty primary-level grammar lessons about adverbs, verbs and nouns, as well as punctuation. But, there’s a couple of things wrong with this picture.
1) Grammar is spelled as I just spelled it, not Grammer as written on the chalkboard. A real professor would know this. 2) By this point, the student should know the basics of what’s on the board, yet she doesn’t. I don’t think an English teacher is what she needs. Maybe a guidance counsellor or a psychologist.
Driving Lessons
Rating: 5/10
At least he’s reminding everyone to wear a seat belt, because that’s all that makes sense here. The rest of it is outdated and dangerous. For example, with the advent of power steering, the correct position should probably be more like 9 and 3 or 8 and 4, rather than 10 and 2, on a steering wheel. There’s also some danger in the diagram about over taking on the left. It looks like Car A’s gonna hit Car’s B and C when passing.
Looks like he’s too focussed on nailing his pupil, and less on hitting other cars.
English
Rating: 6/10
If this is college level English, then I went to the wrong school. This teacher is dolling out some unacceptable behaviours in her class, to make sure that discipline is maintained, but I have some questions.
Such as: No Slang? But the English language is made up of slang. Even Shakespeare and James Joyce used slang, so how are you gonna talk about it? Also, this mixing of lowercase and upper case letters, it’s a little painful on the eyes. She really needs to work on her penmanship.
Chemistry
Rating: 6/10
This one looks like educational cutbacks have hit this school hard. There’s only four elements listed, and it’s hand-drawn. Most of the info is correct, but why only four? Even the ancient Greeks knew there were more elements than that.
This probably isn’t a very good school, but kudos to the teacher for trying his best.
Mathematics
Rating: 8/10
Either this is some advanced math that even I don’t understand, having something to do with natural numbers and incompleteness theorems, or she’s just an idiot and he’s wasting his time.
Clearly she’s old enough to be in high school, yet is having trouble with the concept of 1+1=2. Probably because she’s unfamiliar with 1 to 1. Probably more of a ‘group project’ kinda girl.
Mathematics
Rating: 8/10
It looks like Dr. Lagina’s got a health Math tutorial going on. His equations are correct, and he’s got a list of kids that he’s keeping after school for reasons unknown. I’m guessing it’s probably because of his name. Not a lot of different ways to pronounce Lagina. But then again, if people start calling him “Dr. Vagina” that might not be the worst thing for his self-esteem.
Chemistry
Rating: 5/10
I don’t think this is a real chemistry teacher; there’s an inconsistency to how the chemical formulae are written, plus the look of that chalkboard… it looks like an old school. He looks like a veteran teacher, so he should know better but doesn’t. That’s my proof.
Mathematics
Rating: 5/10
There’s a lot going on in this photo that I don’t understand. The student is sitting in the front of the class, and the writing on the board is pretty clear, yet he doesn’t get it. Maybe there’s a language barrier, or he needs glasses. Maybe he doesn’t know he has a problem.
Then again, it could be the teacher. Her glasses look pretty thick, maybe she can’t see that her equation is wrong.
Biology
Rating: 0/10
It’s interesting to see a biology class tackle a tricky subject like creationism vs. Darwinism, but here you go. Without delving too much into the specifics about which is right, there’s a huge misconception in the arrow diagram. We didn’t evolve from monkeys or fish, but that we all shared a common ancestor, so who is this Biology teacher who thinks that he knows more than Darwin?
As well, a 5,000 word essay by Friday? That’s all order. I don’t think she has anywhere to keep her pencils and paper to even write the damn thing.
Mathematics
Rating: 5/10
Again, some of this math is technically correct, but the teacher is using incorrect letters in her equations, and her graphs are way off base.
Finally, there’s some difficulty in how she’s handing her class. She’s giving all of her attention to the male pupil, leaving the female students to their own devices.
They’ll cause trouble, I know it.
Introduction to Music
Rating: 5/10
As a musician, this is a little painful. Everything is nicely drawn, but there are too many mistakes. For example, for the time, you either write 4/4 or C, but not both – they’re the same. You also don’t need it on every line.
But that’s not the most glaring thing – each staff has 4 lines, instead of 5, which is really confusing. What are the correct notes here? Generally, starting from the bottom, the lines should be E G B D F – or, to easily remember: Every Good Boy Deserves Felatio
History
Rating: 7/10
Given that there’s two blackboard’s worth of info, it’s gotta be right, right? Sorta. The placement of the Russian cities is slightly off, and the title “Imperial Russia” is a misnomer as Russia was a Tsardom until 1721, and the handwriting is a little sloppy, but other than that, it seems legit.
His office hours are a bit random tough, and she’s lucky to have found him actually in the classroom.
Trigonometry
Rating: 9/10
This is probably the most accurate blackboard out there. I’d enrol my daughters at this school, hands down. The dress code is a little more exotic than I’d expect, but with the quality of eduction that this school provides, eligible girls will leave stuffed with all kinds of things.
Any Questions?
