• Bored

    AHHHHH DAMMMM AGAIN!

    • Giggity.

      69 comments 😉

      • Giggity.

        fuck i just made it 70..71.

        • savagecabbage

          This bored guy seems to be a massive cock, i'm guessing you don't have much to do except have the screen split between this and redtube and keep refreshing the page until a new post comes up in the hope that you'll come across really annoying with your first comment and maybe that'll give you some validation that you did something constructive today other than jerk off 7 times into a sock

  • Dave

    First!

    • Dave's biggest fan

      Hat's off to you, Dave. You are truly an inspiration.

      • Pete

        haha sounds like you need to get out your parents basement and do something with your life.

        • Rick

          like understand sarcasm?

    • leper colony

      You, sir, are a faggot!

    • therealguy

      first to eat penis. congrats.

    • tyler

      shut up dave T_T

  • Bob

    Funny and sometimes true.

    • Epitomizer

      This is the epitomy of FUCKING hilarious.

      • Epitomizer v2.0

        Nice try. Please don't use "big" words unless you know them. Epitome*

  • Darksoul

    DAMN, that IS honest. I still think whores are cheaper than the "nice" girls you pick up.

    • Dakota

      if only women were that easy..

  • Jeremy

    Lol'd

  • GuinnesStout

    "I have really good air conditioning so… were gonna dry hump" LOL

    • T K

      Is it weird that I kind of want to see his apartment now?

    • BobRoss

      *we're = we are

      #publiceducationisfailingus

      • asshat

        +1

  • Brian

    I'd hold out for more than 4 BJ's.

    • passwordistaco

      He went for anal, what do you want?

    • brett

      Well he did up grade it to sex for a month with anal and not having to go down on her. All cause he pointed out that she was dumb.

    • Al Camino

      forget the anal. 4 bj's? I haven't had a bj in a year from my super girlfriend. I'll take the 4 bj's and she can shit in my apartment all the wants. I have Lysol.

  • craiger

    he wants anal, but wont let her crap in his pad? they both agree that him going down on her wont work for either of them? ahh, the lost art of cunnilingus. do it rite, and there is nothing she wont do for ya, fellas..and ladies. communicating is the ultimate act of foreplay, IMHO.

    • Ken

      Sure, communicating is the ultimate act of foreplay, if you want an effin relationship!!

    • I <3 Oral

      Honestly, if you have really good oral skills and know how to communicate….I'll do anything you want whenever you want it. BJ at the movies, anal on the weekends, perhaps a little road head AND … I'll have dinner ready every night when you come home.
      Let's face it, it's hard to find a guy with good oral skills.

      • Scotty

        What's your phone number?

      • Col. Lingus

        If thats all it takes I have found a dream woman. PS You get 2 bracelets!

      • The other white meat

        Hopefully you are female. And there are more than one of you.

      • Stick

        Roadhead? Jesus Christ, that's one of the most selfish things anyone can do. You're in control of a VEHICLE! It is not a TOY!
        God damn, nice to know someone can run me over dead just because they could wait to get their dick wet.

        You sicken me.

        • Frank Dogg

          It's safer than texting.

        • guest

          says the guy who probably enjoys toothy blowjobs

    • DDD

      i didnt know craiger was a girls name…..

  • http://twitter.com/ToddGodley @ToddGodley

    If it was only that easy..

  • Dima

    A bracelet for anal? seems legit

    • Bob

      I'd definitely "give" her the bracelet!

    • TLB

      Shopkeeper: "So you want 5 bracelets, not too expensive and not too cheap, all exactly the same except with a different name inscribed on each one? Is that correct Sir?"

  • Tx Chivette

    Honestly … it wasn't bad.

    • Good

      The anal?

  • Dustin

    "Do you do anal" "Yep" "Then you get a bracelet" Good stuff

  • Jim

    If only….

  • patriot

    next time my girlfriend asks for jewelry i'm asking if she does anal.

    • Guse

      I have a couch you can crash on when that goes the way we all know it will.

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      If she doesn't already, you should skip the jewelry and jump straight to tequila excessive lube.

      • Mrs_Conejo

        tequila IS the key

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      She does.

      • Verbal_Kint

        oh snap..

  • Master_Rahl

    "I would have gone to the bathroom during the appetizer and never come back."

    Ahhh honesty. It'll never catch on.

    • Stirke Eagle WSO

      her reply…"ah, yeah, that has happened before." That is classic.

  • coinbank

    now that the link works…it was pretty funny

  • Matt

    HTML5 Video is for winners. Come on Chive.

  • theDude

    my dream girl

  • LucretiusCarus

    Interesting pronunciation of chaise longue…got the chaise part right but made longue into something more like lounge. I laud the effort though.

    • that_ALBANIAN_guy

      Can I be really honest? She didn't have that much going on with her breasts. But the champ-note to take is the final arrangement. Although, going down on a girl, not that bad. At least, I've never had a problem.

      Final result: 10+/10 (she never gets to shit in his bathroom. Always a plus)

    • Siegfried

      Its weird that your bragging about knowing the proper pronunciation of a stupid piece of furniture.

      • LucretiusCarus

        I wasn't bragging about anything. I was saying he did an admirable job of trying to pronounce it correctly, even though he didn't succeed. Certainly better than the butchering most people give it.

    • mrfantastic

      Most designer pronounce it "lounge". Still wrong.

      Crap. Five years of French and this is what I use it for.

      • LucretiusCarus

        I hear you, man. I hear you.

  • Fizzel

    That guy should negotiate with North Korea for or something.

  • tk17

    I'll be honest – this just made my crappy day into a FUCKING great one. 😀

    • banananah

      well then this sucks, to let a video make your day :/

      • asshat

        balh blah blalhlhlalblsablalblab l

        let the man have his fun

        and lets all stare at some tits and get through the day, eh?

        fucking chive on good sirs!

  • Yes

    Shocked the shit out of me…

  • Russ

    I love JDate!

    • Ethan

      My favorite line ^_^

  • Ty Boy

    LOL!

  • Amanda

    Sounds like a great deal!

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