These are not my captions (34 photos)

  • NebraskaGuy

    #25 Would!

    • dirtysteve99

      the person who made this picture is undeniably a raging image queen who is 'confused' about his feelings towards women.

      • Kodo

        OR did it as a joke. but naaaaahhhhh that couldn't be it. Everyone is so sirius.

        • Mike Herechuk

          Hahah perfect setup!

        • DoNotMicrowave


        • Mew

          Nope, because it clearly isn't funny.

      • Longhorns

        Or he's so grotesque that he has to come up with flaws in really hot women whom he'd never have a chance with, all to feel better about himself.

    • Vent187

      I love these, so funny. She is one of the hottest.

      • Always Last

        This one reminds me of theChive boards when Chivettes submit – EXACTLY like the comments!!! EXACTLY!!!

    • Gaspar Cantu

      Good Job finaly someones making sense!!

    • Ch1v3rGuy

      i think some lonley guy was bored of sitting in his room trying to save his virginity and decieded to give us a detailed picture as to why, props to him, I STILL WOULD!

  • Cavillea Diannea

    #17 almost all their people killed through genocide both by nefarious wrong doing and horrendously bad circumstances…Lets respect that by making what they find sacred FASHION! because fuck history.

    • Brutal_Deluxe

      You're right! History is stupid. All those in favor of rewriting textbooks to feature nothing but aliens and cleavage, say aye.

    • EasyDuzIt

      You STOP IT!

    • Wow


    • Tim

      Hey dumb bitch, open a textbook. The vast majority of native americans were killed by a plague, not settlers. Over 90%. But dont let facts interfere with your hatred of white people.

      • A BiPolar Guy

        I think he covered that in "horrendously bad circumstances"

      • Shawn

        Granted a lot of diseases were brought by said settlers…

      • ImpressMe

        Hey you stupid fuck, get your head out of your ass and stop talking about things you obviously know nothing about. Those plagues were deliberately spread among the native american population by what were likely your stupid fucking ancestors. Jesus Christ I hate moronic, self righteous, stupid mother fuckers like you.

        • FinestCarp

          Wrong impressMe.. the native people here had never been exposed to stuff like measles or smallpox like people living in Europe had so therefore just chance encounters with explorers and their crews caused widespread epidemics of these diseases through out the Americas.

          • Scout

            However, when a policy of indian removal became the norm, some of those diseases were spread on purpose. The majority, however, were due simply to contact with settlers.

        • mickey

          Relax, Francis…

      • Hate dumb Bitches

        Yeah, get back in the kitchen dumb bitch

    • RobsterCraws

      Cavillea–Shouldn't you be at a protest somewhere near Wall St. or a college student center?

    • carl

      oops, sorry, i was taking a dump. what were you saying?

    • Dan

      Haha! You're a douche. Go back to blowing your Sociology professor for A's.

    • MattyDeuce

      #18 Doesn't this offend you too because all black people are clearly living by Tupac's mantra? GTFO.

    • yup

      Lets just get it over with and make everyone out to be a victim….. and just blame white males for it all. Oh… no … wait…. we did that already.

    • Willzyx

      Actually almost all their people killed by plague, thanks for playing though

  • Jimbozo

    #12 that's not Sean Connery.

    • Cavillea Diannea

      If its not Connery, he isn't sleeping with my mother.

      • Underbaker

        You're the one that assumed it was Sean Connery when she said "The most interesting man in the world".

        • BrianFlaherrty

          I always assume Sean Connery

        • tv_paul

          I just heard back from the world and yes they said Sean Connery is the most interesting and a distant second is the Shamwow guy.

    • Vent187

      Funny part is, my dad looks just like him.

      • vent187 u suck

        Apart from the fact that said statement, isn't funny…

    • crazydog

      eff you trebek, you canadian pushy…

    • Mir

      Suck it Trebek.

  • Jeremy

    #2 #7

    • Kyle

      Yes, I do remember seeing those photos… what about them?

    • Dr_Fap

      #2 Laughed so hard I peed a little.

    • Jared

      #3 Too bad the Mayans =/= the Aztecs.

      • Jared

        *do not equal

  • Cosmo Kramer

    #2 thanks chive, I needed a good laugh.

    • tv_paul

      Don't you mean "Raff"?

  • anna


  • twoedges

    #20 wins this post

    • Underbaker

      as Sirius as a <img src="; width="200">

      • tv_paul

        As former "The White Shadow" star Ken Howard after he gets a paper cut?

    • Jaives

      You're missing a last panel punchline. "Don't call me Shirley." Love the Naked Gun series.

      • Surely

        But that is Shirley….

      • Hendo

        That joke is from airplane. Not the naked gun.

  • MattKL

    #20 This.

  • Mitt Romney

    Oh Look! A Penny!!

  • Heisanidiot


    Hey – moving up!!

  • Irish777

    And I would be privileged to call you, Dad

  • DinoBarf

    #23 But when I do…

  • hark1985

    #17 I want to see her tee-pee

    • TATW

      i want to get naked in her tee pee.

    • bojo

      I want to see her pee tea

      • WhyVess


    • jousia

      I don't want to see her pitch her teepee

    • Amigo

      who cares she wears…I don't mind if a hot girl wears a head dress at a festival or big outdoor event… fat ugly girls in swimsuits on the other hand………

      • sean

        yeah, what exactly should she "stop" doing? wearing clothes? if so…then i agree. otherwise i see no problem with anything in this pic o.O

    • Big C

      She made me pitch my own tee-pee

  • echogeo

    The first post after the Hump is always behind the 8 ball coming out of the gates.

  • Trav1121

    #16 Hilarious. Actually lol'ed
    #25 All day, all night, forever and ever amen.
    #32 Awesome!

  • Pete Fontaine

    #9 at the moment…

    • Capz

      So whoever made this picture never had a game-boy..

      • TwistyMcFee


    • TATW


    • Tyler Durden

      Who does #2 work for?!

  • pjn

    Stellar post chive I'm so in love with you

  • hark1985

    #8 Bitch I am fabulous too!

  • Ned_Plimpton

    #9 They should make an app that tells you where the nearest public toilet is.

  • Gallus

    #25 – You know, there is another web site that is notorious for spending a lot of time doing exactly this – tearing women apart and actually suggesting surgical procedures to correct "faults." I prefer to spend my time here.

    • Lev

      It's called 4chan, and it's just a joke.

    • Tim

      This is a joke making fun of basement dwellers who critique obviously gorgeous women to seem like they're above women they would pay to be in the same room as.

      • Always Last

        ^^^You must be referring to theChive trolls who comment on Chivettes!

  • jesseDubya

    #15 made me lol

    • jesseDubya

      Actually #5

    • Jonathan Reyes

      doesn't matter, had sex… been looking for a good one to say this on lol

  • bob_the_cook

    #13 – feeling old… damn it!

    • Dude Imbibes

      Want to really feel old, how about the 5.25 floppy?

      • bob_the_cook

        Now feeling REALLY old, thanks.

  • Josh

    #9 No shit! Man ain't that the truth.

  • dantheman7

    #2 That shit had me rolling

    • SpacemanSpiff


    • shoemate

      i choked on a fucking goldfish

  • RMJ

    I can't lie…#28 made me laugh

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