“Second time my boyfriend was meeting my parents, Dad kept saying he could’ve sworn when I was a baby I had a birthmark on my butt. I was arguing that I didn’t, my boyfriend chimed in to confirm.
Conversely later at a large, quiet sit down family dinner someone stole the cherry off my drink, so I ask Who took my cherry? Dad says Oh [boyfriend] did, but I took this [holding cherry]” – Cum___Dumpster
“A girlfriend of mine was lighting my dad’s smoke with a match. He accidentally blew it out. She said, without missing a beat ‘Suck; blow is only a figure of speech.’ My dad turned blue. I turned red. My mom turned white.” – jps_
“My ex-girlfriend told my mother, ‘Wow, I’m surprised any of your kids are still alive.'” – DangerousKidTurtle